SFU GOTHIC: The school creeps on . . .

Written by Kelly Chia, Staff Writer You are in C9000 and you hear wheels. Everyone stops talking to listen to the wheels. The sound...

With the archangels’ trumpets missing, God books SFU’s bagpipers to summon the Apocalypse

Written by Rodolfo Boskovic, SFU Student Do you have a due date coming up? Forget about it. If you’ve had time to look outside lately, you...

Professors pledge to save the environment by recycling syllabuses until 2040

Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate SFU is known for being an institutional leader when it comes to environmental sustainability. But how is this possible...

Meet the hero who ascended to godhood after lasting halfway through No Nut November

Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Walking on the moon. Winning consecutive Super Bowls. Letting someone else speak without interrupting. Throughout history, man has made...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: November 18–24

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Find a day this week to bathe in tomato paste. It will neutralize the acrid,...

Boy sues WikiHow for failing to get him out of the friend zone

Written by Vivien Ying Qi Li, SFU Student WikiHow, a website infamous for its informative articles on first-world problems, is currently getting sued for providing...

Couple breaks up after one lover is caught texting their fave YouTube videos to their side pieces

Written by Jennifer Low, Peak Associate BURNABY, BC — “We are so over!” Ashley Johnston’s voice could be heard echoing down the hallways of the...

How I got involved with SFU’s Red Backpack Cult

Written by Paige Riding I joined the SFU Athletics cult and all I got was this stupid red backpack. It happens to the best of us....

To all the Grindr guys I’ve loved before

Written by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor Dear blank profile,  You were my first love, and I’ll always remember you for that. Except I don’t even...

Texts From Last All-Nighter: what SFU says in the depths of academic fever

Written by Shangrila Plaza, SFU Student (227) : yo : I need stupid names to name a pigeon : wrong answers only *** (228) : It’s 2:50am : finish your essay. *** (293) : Hey,...