CONFESSIONALS: I LOVE group projects

How kind of me to give you all the gift of delegated labour

Marissa Ouyang

Written by Meera Eragoda, Staff Writer

I’m scrolling through the syllabi of various course offerings and I’m looking for one thing in particular. Finally, I find it in a gender studies course. Those magical words: group project. It’s kismet and I’m sold.

It feels rarer and rarer these days to see group projects being incorporated into courses, and I just don’t understand why. It’s literally such an easy way to get your grade up in a class. Unpopular opinion, I know, but I for one LOVE group projects.

I love that I get to just sit there and look hot. And everyone else in my group gets to just be there to bask in my glow. It’s like combining both schoolwork and charity. I mean, I don’t want to say it’s benevolent of me, but . . . yeah, it is benevolent of me.

Group projects are also great when you have an overwhelmingly busy schedule like I do. Normal projects mean you have to actually schedule time, on your own, to do work. How can I be expected to stick to every work session I commit to when I’m busy deciding whether to filter my latest Instagram fits with Valencia or Sierra? Nobody thinks about how much time goes into influencing my 62 followers. And there’s no one doing it for me. 

People in group projects, though, are so supportive and understanding. They check in so often to ask if I’m OK or if there’s “something going on.” And they check in, like, all the time to see if I’m going to be able to finish my part. It makes me feel really cared about.

Sure, if I’m being honest, sometimes it’s a little too much — a tad too smothering. Like, get off my back, mom. So I guess that’s a slight downside to group projects. But I mean, if I’m feeling overwhelmed with life, I can just say that. I can literally type out a response that says, “Im just rlly overwhelmed w/ life,” and they’ll all swoop into the Google Doc to make sure that the work gets done. 

I think this is a really fair way of doing things. It’s not like anyone else ever has anything going on anyway. And if they do, I mean, what if they just didn’t, and then they could focus on me, instead? 

Plus, I make excellent suggestions about what type of font and what pre-set type of PowerPoint slides to use. A lot of people in group projects don’t seem to get that font and colour make a massive difference. They’re all, “Let’s use Arial or Times New Roman!” and I have to be like, “Let’s focus on something that doesn’t suck! Like Bangers or Syncopate or, you guessed it, Comic Sans MS. :)” They don’t know what font is good for them — or for our grade!

My fave group project memory happened on WhatsApp. I got added to a new group chat, full of people from my class, called “genius idea to create a new chat without the dead weight.” I was confused at first, so I replied “lol what?” I guess no one else had any idea either, because they all replied “wrong chat!” and “I think you meant to post this somewhere else???” 

Look at them all imitating me, I thought triumphantly. Honestly, I’ve never set a better trend than “no idea what’s going on.”

They did keep making digs about some egotistic, disrespectful asshole not pulling their weight. But I never figured out who it was they were even talking about.

Anyway, easy A. I guarantee it.

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