Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor
As the SFSS election season draws near, the Board of Directors has appointed this year’s chief independent electoral commissioner (IEC): a loaf of banana chocolate chip bread.
The independent electoral commission is appointed every year to run the SFSS Board of Directors’ election. Comprising a chief and multiple other commissioners, the IEC’s role is to manage and run the election while guaranteeing that all voters are incredibly entertained.
New to SFU, the new IEC chief has not yet declared a major. More than one SFSS staffer has told The Peak that this baby banana chocolate chip loaf’s eagerness to get involved is “a great sign for SFSS engagement.”
The banana loaf was unavailable for comment, but according to SFSS executive director Sylvia Ceacero, he is committed to ensuring a “clean, fair” election process. For example, the new IEC is pushing to once again abolish slates in this election. The banana loaf is also considering banning candidates from drenching Burnaby campus in their “super fugly, super intrusive” campaign posters, as it would be unfair for candidates to win just because voters relate so heavily to their flyers.
Some students worry that the IEC chief might not be able to weather the annual storm of SFSS election drama.
“He’s just so soft and sweet,” says Shane Lespromo, a fourth-year education student. Lespromo’s family owns a local Burnaby bakery. Other students, however, have argued that the chocolatey IEC would actually “go really well with tea.”
SFSS president Giovanni HoSang has denied allegations that the SFSS appointed this IEC chief because they could “just eat him” if the election turned sour.
On Monday, the IEC took to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to invite any students with questions about the upcoming election to visit their office hours. The IEC is available 10 a.m.–4 p.m, Mon–Fri, in MBC 2270 FRIDGE — the communal refrigerator in the SFSS Student Centre.
The SFSS is looking to hire four more baked commissioners to complete the 2020 IEC. Right now, all Renaissance Coffee locations continue to sell independent electoral commissioners for $2.63 plus tax.