By: Hannah Kazemi, Staff Writer
Go for a mocha this fall, Aries. It’s the perfect blend of sweetness and deep richness which energizes you just enough to make it through a productive day of studying and writing lecture notes. Start the semester with style, I say.
Sweet, sweet, and more sweet is what you look for in a Starbucks drink. I see a pumpkin spice frappuccino calling your name, Taurus, with double the whipped cream and cinnamon on top. You like to be extra in all aspects of your life, and your choice of coffee is no exception.
Iced chai lattes everyday, baby! You like to be ✨different✨so you choose the drink that sounds the most pretentious. This is Leo behaviour, you perfectionist.
You’re a matcha girlie, which means you like the taste of grass. It doesn’t matter how much honey, oat milk, or hot water you add to grass. I don’t judge, Cancer, but just know that you have bad taste. Anyways, back to my bean water.
You’re extra AF and have a thing for dramatics, so a strawberry acai refresher with coconut milk (AKA a “Pinkity Drinkity”) is the drink for you! It’s sweet, refreshing, and embarrassing to order out loud at the age of 22, but the annoying teenager in you never died so you must order it every time.
You don’t like the taste of coffee (anyone who says they actually do is lying), so you order a hot chocolate at Starbucks when you’re craving a ✨fun✨drink. Your friends make fun of you for it but you don’t care — a hot chocolate is a classic and it’ll never let you down.
You like to keep things simple and embrace the foggy, cold, and wet weather that we have on the way. Sipping a london fog on a rainy morning fits your vibe perfectly, and is a cost-effective way to get your caffeine intake for the day. You can button up that tweed blazer snugly, my little academic!
You’re a basic bitch in the fall and start ordering a caramel apple spice (basically glorified apple cider) as soon as September hits. You don’t really have a go-to drink the rest of the year but in the fall, there’s nothing better.
You go to Tim’s, not Starbucks — for good reason too. Who can afford to spend $5 on a fancy coffee when you could get a (shitty) bagel AND a double-double for less than that??
Starbucks is out of cold brew the one day you remember to wake up early enough to make it there before class. You order an iced pumpkin spice latte instead of the pumpkin cream cold brew you dreamed about. You like to make people’s lives as miserable as possible; so, you ask to substitute half the pumpkin for white mocha and add pumpkin cream instead of whipped cream on top. It doesn’t even taste like coffee anymore, which is exactly what you were going for.
The strawberries and cream frappuccino brings you back to your childhood with every sip and is your go-to any time of year, even though it’s full of sugar and does nothing to satisfy your coffee craving. Starbucks changed the way they make this drink last year so it doesn’t quite hit the same as it used to, but the nostalgia is enough to have you coming back for more.
Ever since Starbucks got rid of the cool lime refresher you’ve had a personal vendetta against them, but you just can’t resist their shaken passion tea lemonade. It brings you so much joy you mostly forgive Starbucks for their poor decision (but never forget).
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