HUMOUR
HIRING: Seeking law professional skilled in clownery
January 20, 2026Bozo & Bubbles Law Group We are hiring — Professional lawyer clown Our client, Elon Musk, is engaged in a dynamic lawsuit with former business partner and current OpenAI CEO Sam Altman over the development of OpenAI. Our client claims that this anti-Musk establishment is becoming a for-profit monopoly — the exact opposite of the moral claims OpenAI was built on. We are seeking a top-notch Litigation Associate, specifically with a specialty in the art of clownery, to join our fast-paced dynamite team, who work tirelessly to maintain this very bold lawsuit. The role involves working closely with Musk in…
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When autocorrect helps the devil steal your girl
January 13, 2026Chad: Hey weirdo! Chad: *Wanda Wanda: hey chad! strange typo, lol. how r u? Chad: I’m alright. Feeling hyped to go see some dead cats tonight! Wanda: ew . . . wtf? Chad: Jazz cats! I’m going to a new…
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#InfluencerQueen: Rating my 2025 achievements
January 12, 2026Hey, girlies! Life’s so interesting and hectic as a baddie influencer. This past year has been a year of many successes. I think I smashed it, to be honest. Everyone should follow my lead. I want to say that I…
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The Peak investigates: Students falling down the stairs from Blusson Hall to the AQ
January 12, 2026As a wannabe-investigative journalist, I was determined to follow in the footsteps of my predecessors at The Peak Investigates column. Thus, donning my fedora, beige-coloured trench coat, and with one too many coffee enemas in my system, I ventured out…
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PR-lady from athletics department holds mandatory teach-in on why football is problematic
January 5, 2026By: An unsuspecting student I was walking to the bus loop after a long day of classes when a shadowy pink and yellow figure suddenly appeared out of nowhere. A bag was then shoved over my head and my hands…
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Vancouver’s SkyTrain is now Bitcoin-powered
January 5, 2026In a move described by aides as “inevitable, visionary, and definitely not a parody of governance,” mayor Ken Sim announced Thursday that Vancouver’s SkyTrain system is soon to be powered entirely by Bitcoin. Not metaphorically. Not financially, even. The trains,…
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Survival guide: post-holiday edition
January 5, 2026After the holidays, everything sucks. I love the part of winter when all I do is stuff my face with carbs and cocktails, because, well, it’s carbs and cocktail time. However, now that the holiday season is over, my cranberry-gin-fizz-coloured…
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Ice Spice deserves an Oscar for “Big Guy”
January 5, 2026“Stop playing with ’em, Riot” are the last words that moviegoers hear before being blessed with the lyrical mastery of American rapper Ice Spice in the latest SpongeBob movie, “The SpongeBob Movie: The Search for SpongeBob.” It is with great…
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The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas
December 20, 2025By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had already begun cancelling Christmas. Children sobbed into their half-eaten gingerbread men. Christmas influencers rebranded as “seasonally ambivalent creators.” One particular parenting…
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The dialectic nature of brunch as a form of resistance in a post-constructivist, Maoist, anti-rhizomatic context, as prescribed by bottomless Buddy Burgers
December 19, 2025Acknowledgements: Thank you to A&W Canada for sponsoring this delicious research paper. You can buy a Buddy Burger for only a penny with the coupon code: TheA&WGuySentMe. To brunch is to rebel. To eat eggs at 1:00 p.m. is to…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]