By: Janis McMath, Rosie Grayson, Gabrielle McLaren, Alex Bloom
If drag culture hasn’t already consumed your soul, your sanity, and all your free time, consider hopping onto the glamorous bandwagon now. Drag is art meshed with blurring gender lines and has a community filled with beauty and inclusivity that you should become a part of ASAP. Even if you aren’t a queen in this life, you may be in your next — so you should start planning your drag name NOW. Here are a few ridiculous drag name suggestions we, The United Committee of Kinda Experts in Drag (T.U.C.K.E.D.), have brainstormed for you.
For the queen who is a sweet suburban mom in the streets and an anonymous penis expert in the stalls of truck stops. With a name like this, you’d literally be gagging!
Drag queens in The House Of Hole
For the queen that keeps getting stuck to your leg in the summer.
For the queen who don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.
For the queen that is most common among women 15 to 24 years old.
For the queen who is impossible to find.
Missy Onary Style
For the vanilla queen.
For the queen that knows all about regulating the male sex.
For the queen that knows all about regulating the female sex.
For the queen who provides the passage that literally gives us life, hunty.
For the queen who likes to cause pain.
For the queen that cares about the health of boobs.
“Insert Dick Joke”
For the meta queen.
For the queen who smells just as bad as you thought she would. We’re pretty sure this is Ashlee Simpson’s legal birth name, but now that she isn’t famous and isn’t married to Pete Wentz, you can rip off her name without a problem.
Drag queens in The House of Dumb Celebrity Name Puns
Yoko Oh NO Honey
For the queen who broke the band up.
For the queen who can’t remember if she rubbed it out six times or only five.
For the queen who serves pies pies pies — and shade.
For the queen who is South Africa’s biggest city.
For the queen who you can find in da club, bottle full of essential oils.
For the queen who is the drummer in the back.
For the queen who is tired of all these snakes on this motherfucking plane — but isn’t tired of charming his snake.
Vladmir Put-in My Ass
For the queen who meddled with the United States 2018 presidential erection.
For the queen who unjustly excludes trans people from the community of drag.
Gal GaDon’t Come For Me
For the queen who suggests that you check your lipstick and your indestructible bracelets before you come for her.
Elijah Morning Wood
For the queen that finds that taking the ring to mordor is easier than peeing.
Robert Going Down On You Jr.
For the queen that knows how to make a man hard as iron.
Mariah I Don’t Care-y
For the queen that has only one thing she needs this Christmas: for you to understand how few fucks she gives.
For the queen that doesn’t know where the fuck she’s going, how the fuck she’s going to get there, and what the fuck she’s going to do with her useless degree.
Drag queens in The House Of Unrelated Names
Nora Man Nora Woman
For the queen who’s aesthetic is the idea that gender is a construct.
For the queen that has to aggressively state “no homo bro” to disguise the fact that he’s actually extremely curious about what it would be like to suck a dick.
Helen is Troy
For the queen that is the most beautiful woman AND man that ever lived.
For the queen that wants to start a religious revolution with her holy bust.
For the queen who is full of insults.
Cal De Sack
For the queen with no filter and no exit.
For the queen of the summer.