Marissa Ouyang
Horoscopes March 24–30
March 24, 2025Aries March 21–April 19 Feeling guilty about only going to two out of 11 weeks of classes? It’s alright; there are just a few more classes to miss — you’re nearly getting there. Good job, babes! You even escaped having to deal with people coughing and sneezing in lecture halls, so yay for you!! Reward yourself by going to the library to study (rant about your life to your friends) and to a café to write your essays (buy an overpriced cup of coffee). Also, happy birthday y’all. We are publishing this horoscope during your sign. Send an email to…
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Horoscopes February 17–23
February 17, 2025Aries March 21–April 19 “It’s private, but no.” The stars think you should spend more time telling nosy people to mind their business, and then still answer their questions. Taurus April 20–May 20 “Um, Shabana. Would you like to speak,…
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Horoscopes January 13–19
January 13, 2025Aries March 21–April 19 This week, you will wake up all motivated to go to the one required lower division course you have ignored for two whole years. Then, as you wash your face, you will remember why you avoided…
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Horoscopes January 6–12
January 9, 2025Aries March 21–April 19 I was gossiping with the stars about you, and they said that you’re stubborn, so you’ll probably think you’re invincible all year. Close your damn incognito Google flights tab. The Boeings are falling apart! #StayGrounded Taurus…
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Horoscopes December 2–8
December 2, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 Your laptop is full of unfinished assignments, and that’s OK! What’s more merry and bright than cramming in last-minute papers and exams worth your entire grade? “Catchup Queen” is your middle name. Get to work, you…
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Horoscopes November 12 – 18
November 21, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 Let’s be honest: Aries are the pursuers in any relationship because of their headstrong attitude. You know who else doesn’t stop until they get what they want? The popular girl in every high school romance movie…
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Horoscopes November 4–10
November 6, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 Stop and smell the flowers, err . . . pet the raccoons. But seriously, just relax. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself these days. You should take a step back and remember what’s truly important:…
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Horrorscopes: October 28 – November 3
October 28, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 Aries! The Karens of fall. You have just awakened in time for spooky season and are entering your natural state. Be aware not everyone is like you! They won’t care when you are possessed and order…
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Horoscopes October 21–27
October 22, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 It’s not easy to find a matching top and bottom of a swimsuit when you wake up 10 minutes before you have to leave. Summertime is when you have daily outings and no time to reorganize…
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Horoscopes October 14 – 20
October 15, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 The second the clock strikes 12 on September 1, you never miss a beat to run to your local coffee shop for a pumpkin spice latte. Maybe it’s an obsession, but who cares? The stars can…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]