By: Abbey Perley, Assistant Production Editor Aries March 21–April 19 Tangerine matcha latte Aries, tangerines may be as bright as you, but the novelty is getting a little out of hand. When was the last time you even ate a tangerine? This combination is what you thought could kickstart your summer, but all it will really do is stoke the thrill of being a trailblazer. At least you’ll know you’re meeting your Vitamin C intake. The stars are taking bets on if you’ll gatekeep this or make a TikTok about it (or both, somehow, for social validation). Taurus April 20–May…
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By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate Aries (March 21–April 19) Go lay in grandma’s lap, tough guy. You deserve it. If you don’t have a grandma, any scruffy-looking dog will do. It’s gotta be scruffy, though. Taurus (April 20–May 20) Stars…
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By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Feeling guilty about only going to two out of 11 weeks of classes? It’s alright; there are just a few more classes to miss — you’re nearly getting there. Good…
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By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 “It’s private, but no.” The stars think you should spend more time telling nosy people to mind their business, and then still answer their questions. Taurus April 20–May 20 “Um, Shabana.…
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By: Izzy Cheung, Arts & Culture and Sports Editor Snake 1965 (Us???), 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013, 2025 Snakes, 2025 is going to be your year. Want to know why? Since this year is the year of the snake, it’s time…
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By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 This week, you will wake up all motivated to go to the one required lower division course you have ignored for two whole years. Then, as you wash your face,…
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By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 I was gossiping with the stars about you, and they said that you’re stubborn, so you’ll probably think you’re invincible all year. Close your damn incognito Google flights tab. The Boeings…
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By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Your laptop is full of unfinished assignments, and that’s OK! What’s more merry and bright than cramming in last-minute papers and exams worth your entire grade? “Catchup Queen” is your middle…
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By: Manal Kashif, SFU Student Aries March 21–April 19 Let’s be honest: Aries are the pursuers in any relationship because of their headstrong attitude. You know who else doesn’t stop until they get what they want? The popular girl in…
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By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Aries March 21–April 19 Stop and smell the flowers, err . . . pet the raccoons. But seriously, just relax. You’re getting too far ahead of yourself these days. You should take a step back…
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