The absolutely true story of when SFU met UBC

SFU never had a dream come true, 'til the day it met UBC

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PHOTO: Trung Nguyen / Pexels

By: Kelly Chia, Staff Writer

The Absolutely TRUE Romantic Story of when SFU Met UBC

By: shy_SFUxUBC_sh!pper

Chapter: 1/?

Updated: November 10, 2016

Disclaimer: Okay, before you haters come onto my comments, I’d just like to say that this is MY creative liberty. Maybe SFU and UBC have an unrealized romance that you can’t see. My beautiful literary work can present this to you! Maybe you should give things a chance! THANK YOU! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T SUPPORT ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!1!!

——————- UBC’s Point of VIew  ——————-

Universa Boruto Cat (UBC) was pacing back and forth, wondering what to do with their complex emotions. They were a superstar, really, just a glorious blessing to all who knew them. 

In this righteous world, universities had spirits that wandered around their campuses, wishing good grades and maybe a drip of student equity, if they felt like it. But universities also fell helplessly in love.

See, Universa couldn’t stop thinking about Sasuke Farquaad Ursula (SFU). The two were complete opposites, Universa admitted. Universa was loyal to the city, and Sasuke was a bit of a flight risk. I mean, why else would Sasuke dominate three cities? Unless, maybe . . . it was to get closer to Universa . . .

Brr, thinking about Sasuke made their inner university student do the conga line. [Author’s Note: this is meant to be attractive!]

Universa watched Sasuke strut her campus in mousy steps. The egg statue leered at them, but the statue didn’t understand true love like Universa did! 

Then Universa caught sight of Sasuke’s eyes, and they swooned like they were bitten by a suave vampire. [Author’s Note: Be prepared for the werewolf/vampire invasion, it comes soon, hint hint.]

Her eyes were mesmerizing, but complicated. Fifty shades of ruby. Looking at them was like descending the world’s longest staircase: you knew you would be stuck for the long haul, but maybe you would enjoy the journey, or maybe you would howl Sasuke’s name for eons on end. She left that kind of impression.

Universa admitted that they were at odds with Sasuke. Complete opposites, really. They exchanged snipes about being the superior school every few months or so. Dramatized student rivalry could kill an early relationship, but luckily for Sasuke, Universa was a keener. They mimicked formal bagpipe music with a wistful whistle, hoping Sasuke would turn around. 

And she did.

“Why, hello there, edgelord,” Universa crooned in a deep voice. 

What Universa didn’t know was those specific bagpipe notes would also summon a jealous friend.  

——————- SFU’s Point of View ——————–

Sasuke swiveled her head, her piercing crimson ruby [Author’s Note: I’m so artistic when I try, hehe] eyes piercing into Universa’s gorgeous Sonic-blue orbs. A million Dashboard Confessional songs and anime openings started playing in Sasuke’s head, and she didn’t know what to think.

 “It couldn’t be. They’d never notice a mousy 56 year old gal like me,” she whimpered sheepishly, tucking a neat strand of hair away from her face. 

Universa stared, and Sasuke realized she said that out loud. Sasuke grew so embarrassed she did the most respectful thing she could think of. Sasuke dabbed as low as she could. Then, she started flailing her arms and running.

“It can be!” Universa exclaimed. “I came here to let you know my truest feelings!” Universa shouted passionately.

Sasuke turned. Universa’s blazing eyes looked at hers in return. Was this it? Was this when Universa would finally confess? 

“HOLD IT!” a loud voice barked. Sasuke turned! Again! 

“NO ONE CONFESSES TO SASUKE BUT ME,” McFogg the Cool Dog ejaculated. “Sasuke has been bullied for not having a community! For not listening! You weren’t there to hold her!” 

Sasuke was really uncomfortable. She didn’t want a fight! Or maybe she did? Oh, she was so confused. McFogg was always scaring off her friends! Why couldn’t he just listen to what she wanted?

Luckily, Universa did not stand down to a challenge, especially not to this. “I love Sasuke, and I’m not afraid to show it!” They growled, revealing their canines so the SFU canine could see them. 

Wait . . . was Universa a vampire? Sasuke thought she might swoon, like a werewolf approaching some fresh meat. [Author’s Note: I told you!]

“I will show you the true meaning of school spirit, punk!” McFogg muttered, adjusting his kilt for battle. 

—- Spicy end . . . for now —-

Well, what will happen? Will Universa fulfil their ancient destiny of battling the ruthless McFogg? Will Sasuke find true love? 

I guess you will have to rate my fanfiction five stars and say nice things to me to find out. Oh, isn’t that so exciting?