By: Jessica Parsons

Have you been caught staring at a wall for hours, sensing a creeping existential crisis? How about looking at first-years and wondering where those tiny babies’ guardians are? These, among many others, could be symptoms of senioritis.

Senioritis is a serious condition that affects over 86.7% of undergraduate students. In mild cases, symptoms may include, but are not limited to: refusing to go to any class that starts before noon or that posts the lecture slides online, looking at job boards and sobbing, and binging Netflix shows on Friday nights. There have been stronger cases reported where symptoms can get as serious as booking a flight to Europe using student loan money, or repeating the phrase, “Ds get degrees,” over and over.

If any of these persist, you should seek immediate treatment. Unfortunately, doctors have not yet found an immediate cure for senioritis — however, they have found that symptoms usually stop after the phenomenon known as “graduation,” (also known as freedom).

Early detection is very important in curbing the symptoms of senioritis. Therefore, I have listed below the symptoms that those with a higher risk, namely those in their last year of their degree, should look out for:

• Forgetting things: This may include your passwords, your deadlines, your classroom numbers, or even your will to get out of bed in the morning.
• Nausea: Often provoked by the thought of finding a full-time job, or having to move back in with your parents.
• Dizziness: Did you forget to eat today? (See: forgetting things.)
• Emotional fluctuations: This can manifest as either caring too much, or forgetting what caring even feels like (once again, see: forgetting things).
• Sudden verbal outbursts: Examples of these may include “I’ll do that LATER,” “Yes, I wore this shirt yesterday, so?” or “No one cares about your A+ research paper, Bethany!”

Senioritis is a serious problem among undergraduate students. While the only foolproof cure is graduation, there have been improvements made to cases through a variety of treatments:

• A healthy dose of reality – also known as the blinding fear of the PGJH (Post-Grad Job Hunt) disease.
• Caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, energy drinks). Anything to boost your ability to do the single crunch that is getting out of bed in the morning.
• Zero cares. Giving into the disease may be the best option for treatment. Grab your freezer bags of pizza pops and settle in for the wait until graduation.

Though senioritis can be a serious condition, just know that you are not in it alone. There are no support groups, because most senioritis sufferers don’t give a flip about anyone or anything. So hang on tight and ride the wave until graduation. I, for one, am going back to bed.