Comic Connoisseur: A love note to Sex Criminals

Photo courtesy of Image Comics.

Dear Sex Criminals,

I have thought about you very often these last couple months and I have come to one conclusion: I think I am in love with you. Nothing else makes me feel quite the same as you do. When I look upon you, I feel so alive. With you I laugh, I cry, and I reach the highest throes of joy and bliss.

Sex Criminals, you are unlike anything I have ever experienced in my quarter century of life. To the ignorant and tasteless few you are perceived as a cheap and graphic Harlequin novel, but deep inside I know you have a wonderful heart. You are without a doubt the steamiest graphic novel I have had the fortune to flip through, and also the most well-written.

Your story follows a simple and succinct subject: the old trope of boy meets girl — injected with one rather heart-stopping twist. When this particular couple meet and become infatuated with one another, they stumble upon each other’s closely hidden secret. Upon achieving an orgasm, both Suzie and Jon can freeze time.

Capitalizing on their talent, this brand new couple opts to use their powers to rob the bank that Jon works at to save Suzie’s library from foreclosure. What follows is a story that tickles one’s fancy as much as it tickles one’s heart.

The art within you is so wonderful to behold. It is so in sync with the script, it’s hard to tell who the real hero is — the writer or the artist. Sex Criminals, if you are anything at all, you are testament to two individuals collaborating perfectly with one another. If that were not enough, you have done the unthinkable in the medium of graphic novels, a feat not even the most acclaimed writers and artists have ever attempted: you audaciously included a musical number to Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls” — a song for which you did not even have the rights to. This is proof alone that you make the rocking world go round.

Above all, your captivating commentary on relationships today is immensely poignant and pulls no punches. You highlight the good as much as you do the bad — never painting things as they should be, but as they are. You perfectly render the lust-fuelled intensity that ignites the start of a romance, followed by the reckless abandon, and shortly after, the death rattle of the honeymoon phase. Yet, you never leave us cynical or without hope, but ever more excited at the notion of sharing a similar relationship to Jon and Suzie’s in the foreseeable future.

I owe everything to Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky for bringing you into existence; you truly are the apple of your creators’ eyes. Without them conceiving you I cannot imagine where I would be.

My dear, I must have more of you or I risk losing my mind. You are as daring as you are vivacious and it makes me so hot. Simply put, darling, I must have more of you in my life.

Yours forever,

The Comic Connoisseur