By: Isabella Urbani, Staff Writer
Walk in wearing a full body cast
The least the teacher can do is help you actually enter the door of the classroom before granting you an extension. Heck, I won’t be surprised if they excuse you from the rest of your tutorials, and you shouldn’t be either. Go big or go home. Just make sure your story is tight. Worse comes to worse, go for the knockout and blame SFU. A lawsuit will kill off some time.
Become Joy Johnson
This might not be the most time efficient plan, plus identity theft is a serious crime, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Who else could get you the extension than the prez herself? Visit your local party store, cop a blond pixie cut wig, pull off a stylish monochromatic jumpsuit, and instill the fear of God into your unsuspected TA.
Kind-of-not-really tell the truth
Don’t lie, but make sure you fluff up the truth enough to leave your teacher in a difficult position to deny you. The rule of thumb is 10% truth, 90% exaggeration. But be very careful! There is such a thing as adding a little too much sympathy to your stories. Think odd, but possible. A racoon pick-pocketed your USB with your project on it!
You’re hiding out
Oh no, there is a hit out on you! Tell your teacher that, long story short, you’ve got some bad blood with the library after you failed to pay the withstanding bill from that one textbook you borrowed and never returned months ago. Gwen Bird is out to get you! Last week, the library assistants threw a textbook through your window! Actually, maybe skip that part. Just tell your teacher you have to lay low for a week or so.
Your house is haunted
Sorry, that paper proposal has to wait until the priest cleanses your house inside and out. Why can’t you head to the library? Well you see, these ghosts were rejected from SFU and hold a grudge against me from living out their dream, so they follow me everywhere I go. Really, I’m doing a favour by isolating myself. Seriously, SFU, just do me a solid and let them in.
You’re stuck in a tree
As the good samaritan that only you are, you got stuck in a tree while trying to rescue the neighbourhood cat. Don’t worry, the cat’s fine, but you’re stuck and help isn’t on its way. Your phone died, but you managed to snap some selfies and send an email to your teacher. I guess you’ll just have to wait this one out.
Reach out after the extension
Play coy. Say your internet has been acting up all week and you wanted to email your teacher to make sure they received the assignment. Perhaps even attach the assignment to the email, but forget to do so *wink wink* Double whammy. The turnaround time is pretty quick so be ready to pull an all-nighter to submit the assignment the next day. But an extra day nonetheless — score!
You left your computer outside
HEY — HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT!?
It’s the zombie apocalypse (only where you live)
You’re in your downstairs bunker fighting for survival, and yet you still made time to email your teacher. What a trooper. Make sure to update them by the hour. You don’t know how long you can keep these zombies at bay. I hear the antidote is an extension.
Give yourself an extension
The project is only due as long as you think it’s due. This isn’t an excuse to completely write off your assignment, but take a good look at your calendar. This work is completely booked. Slot it for sometime next week.