By: Tamanna T., Staff Writer
A movie revolving around a couple that has nothing to do with licorice or pizza is bound to be a flop. The title is so distracting that I could barely focus on the plot of the film (which I still don’t fully understand) because I was trying to figure out the meaning behind the title. If a movie’s theme isn’t the protagonist professing his love for the love interest by making a unique recipe that involves licorice on pizza, is it really worth it?
If the saga is stretching to nine films to explain a family plotline, then maybe it shouldn’t be called The Fast Saga. Never again will I give my money to this saga to make another Dom Toretto film. If I hear “family is everything” one more time, I will personally go to Hollywood and tear up the script.
If the war is tomorrow, why are we trying to fight it today? I have so many questions for this film, all starting with why Chris Pratt has to confront his past in order to save the future (isn’t that yesterday?). If I was a character in this film I would not let Mr. Starlord-who-couldn’t-control-his-emotions-and-let-Thanos-win save my world.
4. The Notebook
As much as I am a sucker for a good romantic film, the title has to be at least a tad bit relatable to the story. They wrote letters in the movie, the “notebook” doesn’t even come up! This movie would have been much more popular if the title was The Letters.
They had to be trolling us with the title. They’re goblins. 0/10.
6. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
The first part of the title makes complete sense. A man attains flying powers and beats the bad birds up. My problem is with the latter half of the title. What’s up with The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance? Why add that to the title? Who does it benefit? Who is ignored and who is the ignorer? I have so many questions.
The only reason I put this movie on was to see a man bite a dog, instead, I was sorely disappointed (but not surprised, dogs are superior). There was no dog-biting, only human-killing, and I was not happy about it.
8. Twilight (Bonus edition: Breaking Dawn)
When I first watched Twilight as a tweenager, I dreamed of a story with beautiful sunsets and sparkly vampires. But alas, there were no spectacular twilights nor dipping sunsets. My innocent mind was tricked by what I can only imagine was the random title generator Stephanie Meyers used. How else would you explain breaking the dawn in a vampire flick?
This is a badly written fanfiction of Twilight and it shows — Christian Grey is as single dimensional as a 2015 billionaire with mommy issues could be. I only spotted two shades of grey instead of the promised 50. Honestly, it was hard to focus on any shades at all — these naked bodies kept getting in the way of my colour analysis.
From the first film in this series, I’ve been waiting patiently for Tom Cruise to die. But it seems each movie is worse than the one before. The only thing that’s impossible in this series is the studio’s ability to explain how these missions are impossible.
