By: Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer
BURNABY, BC — Vadia Gondew, SFU student, failed co-op participant, and eternal debt-and-general-misery holder, is reportedly putting her soul up for sale on Facebook Marketplace, since no other resale site would accept the posting of such damaged goods.
She made the post early last week on the “SFU Books ‘n Beedie Bitches” Facebook page and has already been “bumped” by 12 other interested SFU students — in the true style of business students making transactional connections in light of their inability to make true connections, for they too lack sufficient souls.
“Used post-secondary student soul for sale!” the posting reads. “A little scratched and worn, but otherwise in decent condition. Perfect for burn-out and senioritis. Price up for negotiation. Message for details.”
In an emailed interview with The Peak, Gondew explained that she made the posting after finding out about SFU’s decision to once again increase tuition.
“It was the last straw,” she said. “I’ve given SFU everything — besides the essentials of my massive K-pop CD and merchandise collection and my left kidney . . . or was it the right one that I still have? Anyways, I have nothing else left to give except for my soul.”
The decision was primarily fuelled by SFU’s demands, but also because robbing her professors during their office hours was no longer a viable income option.
“A breaking-and-entering charge would not be it. I work more cleanly than that, but right now, I can’t be like a vampire invited into the home, y’know? Who needs their soul in this day and age, anyway? I’m a computer science major. I lost my will to be a decent person somewhere in a coding assignment during my first semester.”
Since posting the advertisement, several students continue relentlessly bidding on the item. Others followed in Gondew’s footsteps and made postings of their own.
“Pre-remote learning vibe, no weed necessary!!!” reads one posting, “like new. Comes with emotional support Spotify Premium account for all your miserable Lorde hours. Pick-up from Burnaby only. $20 (+$5.99 for Spotify Student acc sry I’m poor)”
“I really hope it’s me that gets to buy it. I failed two midterms this semester and I moved here from the States. I really need this, especially after what Nevada put us through,” a student bidding on Gondew’s soul told The Peak.
Besides her soul, Gondew is also selling other non-book related items on the Facebook group page. These include an overly re-gifted keychain her cousin brought back from a trip to Mexico, UberEats coupons (exclusively for orders over $30, on every other Wednesday, for select restaurants with a rat infestation, and valid only during leap years— offer ends in January of 2016), and a broken office chair.
“People sell all sorts of stuff on there,” replied Gondew when questioned about the irrelevance of selling these items on a book-specific page. “If someone can try and sell their iPhone, why can’t I make a couple bucks off all the cra— I mean valuables lying around in my house? There’s always meaning behind beaten-up, crumbling items around the house, right? Just look at me!”
It is unclear whether Gondew’s soul has been sold yet, but if you see a student with their camera and microphone actually on in a tutorial, this may be an indicator that they’ve done some soul searching . . . or shopping.