By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor and Corbett Gildersleve, News Writer

Congratulations, you’ve survived 13 weeks of classes — pop quiz time! The Peak has gathered only the finest quotes from two well-known individuals and James Carville. You need to figure out who said what before I do! It’s a race. 

In one corner, we have New York’s former governor, harassment allegations collector, and NYC mayor democratic primary sore loser Andrew Cuomo. In the other corner we have the NYC mayor democratic primary winner, democratic socialist, and someone who’s been betrayed by his own party, Zohran Mamdani. Mamdani, a democratic socialist, won the city’s democratic primary with a whopping 50% of the vote. 

In the third corner, we have uncle James Carville, a democrat insider and strategist for over thirty years. He represents the part of an anti-Mamdani wing of the party that believes that Mamdani is going to tax everyone into obliteration (AKA their rich buddies).. They’d rather vote for a creepy Italian dude (Cuomo), who is once again a fucking sore loser and is going to be running as an independent, than support their party’s chosen candidate . . . what a great way to show unity against the republicans. 

And finally, in the fourth corner we have . . . no one, there is no fourth corner, it’s always been a triangular ring! And I’m gonna beat you by guessing who said it before you do. Shut up! Let’s get on with it! 

1. 1. “Public transit should be reliable, safe and universally accessible.” Couldn’t agree more, Mamdani. 
   2. “I don’t think that we should have billionaires because, frankly, it is so much money in a moment of such inequality, and ultimately, what we need more of is equality across our city and across our state and across our country.” Real. This is something I could get behind. Whoever said this must have a lot of common sense. Only hot, progressive, and wise people could say this. Thus, this is also a MamDADDY quote.  
   3. “A suspicion of mine is that there are too many preachy females . . . don’t drink beer, don’t watch football, don’t eat hamburgers, this is not good for you.” What the fuck does this even mean? How do I respond to this? This definitely gives massive Carville energy.  
   4. “The message is too feminine: ‘Everything you’re doing is destroying the planet. You’ve got to eat your peas.’” Let them eat peas, I guess? This sounds like something an elitist democrat would say . . .  James Carville? Is that you? AGAIN?   
   5. “With no clear leader to voice our opposition and no control in any branch of government, it’s time for Democrats to embark on the most daring political maneuver in the history of our party: roll over and play dead.” Woof, woof. I’m a dog, can’t you tell? This has indeed been the democratic party strategy after the 2024 presidential election. Just pretend like it didn’t happen! Once again, I think this is James.  
   6. “People go into politics because they want the affirmation, and they want the applause.” As they should. Honestly, this is definitely Cuomo. He’s got the ego the size of the Statue of Liberty, compensating for his small —
   7.  “Charities should not fund war crimes — it’s that simple. The stated U.S. foreign policy is that settlements are illegal — this bill seeks to bring New York state policy in line with that goal.” This sounds like common sense . . . I feel Mamdani energy from this. Basically anything that is common sense here is Mamdani. Are you beating me so far? No. You’re pathetic. I’m winning. 
   8. “A life of dignity should not be reserved for a fortunate few. It should be [a life] that city government guarantees for each and every New Yorker.” This is getting me hyped!!!! Doesn’t sound radical to me, but then again — in America, even healthcare is radical. Mamdani for sure.   
   9. “‘Hello, I’m applying for the job of the mayor of the City of New York.’ ‘OK, do you have management experience?’ ‘No.’ ‘Have you managed 100 people before?’ ‘No.’ ‘Have you managed 50 people before?’ ‘No, I have no management experience.’” Sigh, I distinctly remember this quote — definitely a Cuomo one. The only place where Cuomo has managed this many people since he resigned as governor is probably at the Wendy’s drive-thru. No, your customers are not your employees, Andrew.   

Oh, you’re looking for the answers? I already gave them to you. That’s right, I win. Go cry about it.