Student fortune cookies

Illustrated by Marcus Blackstock

By: Nathaniel Tok

University life is fairly predictable. If you’re in a first-year math class, you get the 8:30 a.m. class. If you’re in your sixth year, you only attend classes when there’s an exam. The 4:30 p.m. 145 going down SFU is going to remind you of that trip you made to Asia. Et cetera, et cetera.

The Peak recently partnered with local restaurant Pande Expresso (they sell Chinese food cooked with coffee to give students their maximum caffeine dose) to create some fortune cookie sayings to help SFU students predict and navigate their future at SFU. Here are our favourites.

You will find new and interesting ways to be unmotivated

From stalking way more successful students on LinkedIn to giving up on that project for that one course that is part of your major but not something you wanted to do, there are always ways to lose focus and interest in studying.

Don’t lose heart, there’s always next semester

Got straight Cs this term? No worries, just try harder next term. As the number of terms in SFU (time) approaches infinity, the number of opportunities (sadness) to do better approaches infinity too. (I hope I made my calculus prof proud.)

time—>∞ sadness—> ∞

Never give up, unless you’re running for the bus

Back in my glory days of high school, I was the best runner in my PE class. Unfortunately, that physical prowess seems to have deserted me as I can never catch the bus just as it is leaving.

Do not worry about your problems in the rain, I assure you that UBC students have it harder
I have it from reliable sources that when SFU was built, our first chancellor, ex-UBC physics prof Gordon Shrum, was so annoyed at Raincouver that he made sure he could walk the whole of campus without getting wet. We, and not UBC, bear that proud legacy with our covered walkways stretching from Blusson to the WMC, while those UBC peasants hobble in their swamp.

You will find what you seek not within yourself, but online

YouTube videos explaining stuff from class, lecture notes from other universities, ebooks, random facts about how your great-great-great-grandfather might have been Genghis Khan (his descendants cover at least 10% of the Earth’s population) . . . You will find that one of the most useful things university teaches you is how to Google what you desire.

Bonus fortune cookie saying: Do or do not. There is no try!

The classic Yoda quote seems applicable here. But how can you do something without trying? Someone explain please!