An ode to the glass (of milk)


Each week, one of The Peak’s editors must write an Editor’s Voice — a column where we say something profound, or muse about the world around us in a way not often encouraged in our own sections.

These articles usually give advice on how you should live your life, with the help of our many years of great experience. Well, I don’t have much of that stuff. I’m sure I could spin you a yarn about joining some clubs, writing for the sports section — you know, one about getting out and doing things. But that would be boring, with a capital B.

Instead, I will expound my philosophies on milk, as it’s a great drink. But milk doesn’t get the respect that it deserves. Sure, most of us drink milk with dinner, we have milk in our cereals, but do we ever appreciate how good it actually tastes?

Firstly, milk just tastes awesome. Milk is a superb drink just to consume on its own, like pop or other tasty, sugary beverages. I think milk often gets lumped in with boring drinks like water, but really, that’s unfair. Water is tasteless, and unless I’m going to bed or I’m in the hot sun, it’s not something I really want to drink. There’s just something to milk that’s not there in water.

Who first went up to a cow, grabbed its udder, and said, ‘hey, we should drink this?’

Milk enhances the flavours of every meal; it seems to add so much to food — just like how wine apparently brings out all the flavours in some foods (or something like that, I don’t spend all day hanging with wine connoisseurs).

Some meals, such as spaghetti, or pizza seem incomplete without a glass of milk or two, or three, or more. Without milk, one of my favourite dishes becomes just another silly ol’ meal.

And who decided to start drinking milk, anyway? Who went up to a cow and grabbed its udder, and said, ‘hey, we should drink this?’ Good on them, but can you imagine? Just going up to a cow, grabbing its teets, and drinking the nefarious result. Probably some cave-dude too. Thank you, you wonderful cow pervert.

(I sure hope I did not subconsciously take this riff from some stand up comedian. If I did, I’m udderly sorry.)

You’re now probably wondering, ‘what should I get out of this most informative column?’ Appreciate your milk! Gulp it down with pride. Stuff yourself until you’re the kind of full that only milk can make you. And remember, milk is better than water — all the cool kids drink it.

Web Editor’s Note: We decided since he loved milk so much, Austin should “eat his words” – check out the video of what went down here: Mr. Milk Monster Gets It