By: May Chee, SFU Student
October 31 is coming up fast, and there’s a cheap Halloween costume with your name on it. If you’ve been scavenging Pinterest for a last-minute idea, get some quick and easy inspo that’ll guarantee your outfit is the only one of its kind.
ARIES
March 21–April 19
A really good CoolMath game
You may have seen Fireboy and Watergirl couple costumes floating around, so why stop there? Think Snail Bob couture. All you need for Papa’s [Blank]-eria is a chef uniform, a moustache, a bald cap, and literally any food you get your hands on. Bring back possessing a sense of childlike whimsy at the ripe age of 19.
TAURUS
April 20–May 20
Your Spotify Wrapped from last year
Listen, the whole point of costumes is to embody some sort of alter ego, but you already do that the other 364 days a year. Let’s be fully vulnerable this time and show others your most unfiltered self — your Spotify activity. If they can’t love you at your 103,481 minutes of Box Fan Noises or Lo-Fi, they don’t deserve you at your best.
GEMINI
May 21–June 20
Old texts
If this holiday’s all about scaring and getting scared, what’s more horrifying than reliving a talking stage? You didn’t need Halloween to get your DMs ghosted. It’s time to print out your most down horrendous texts and dig up that old clown wig because reaching that level of delusion was scarier than any horror flick.
CANCER
June 21–July 22
One of those sad Bart Simpson edits
Yeah, the ones where he has all those broken heart emojis above his head with a VHS effect and a caption like, “You broke me.” Lean into your feelings this season by being unapologetically emo. If you start making a playlist now, you can have a tracklist of sad songs to play in the background every time you enter a room.
LEO
July 23–August 22
A hard launch on Instagram Stories
Halloween’s the perfect time to be something you’re not, so go all out and dress up as someone who got hard launched on their boo’s Instagram. No close-up cropping, sticker over the face, or vague song lyrics this time. Bonus points that you’d simultaneously be their biggest fear — commitment.
VIRGO
August 23–September 22
Charles Entertainment Cheese
Perfect for a group costume where your friends can be all the other creepy animatronics that sing to children at their birthday parties. The actual mascot suits are going for around $600 online. But even if you had the cash to spare, surely you would get possessed by an angry (and sweaty) minimum-wage worker the second you put it on. Opt for some ears instead.
LIBRA
September 23–October 22
That pattern on bus seats and mid-2000s arcade floors
If you rummage through your closet, you probably have something that resembles this. It’s fun, funky and a conversation starter — as long as you’re fine with the conversation always being about that one time they won Street Fighter with their eyes closed. The best part is you can spill whatever mysterious liquids over yourself, and no one will be able to tell.
SCORPIO
October 23–November 21
The boulder Sisyphus was pushing
Some may be going as ancient Greek figures this Halloween, but no one would stop to think of Sisyphus. Even fewer people would think of his boulder. Sure, you might have to explain your costume all night and feel like you’re in an identical never-ending uphill battle. Still, one must imagine the boulder happy, too.
SAGITTARIUS
November 22–December 21
A psychic
Buy a crystal ball and start telling people’s futures on the curb. So what if you don’t know how to do that? No one actually does. They probably won’t remember it anyway, and as long as you don’t start something you can’t finish, lying is both fun and free. Tip: a cool robe and wizard hat make you 25% more credible.
CAPRICORN
December 22–January 19
Schrödinger’s cat
If you want something mysterious, elusive, and thought-provoking, this is precisely that. Are you actually at the party? Are you not? Are you even real? You’ll have them wondering this the whole evening. This costume transcends simple worldly planes and exists as a metaphysical figment of their imagination. Probably a metaphor for something.
AQUARIUS
January 20–February 18
The death of Twitter
Nothing instills fear into the heart of the public quite like a perfectly good service enjoyed by millions falling into the hands of corporate greed. As an homage to the late platform, print out some of your favourite tweets and consider renting a casket for your friends to carry you around. Here’s one to start: “Baby, this is Keke Palmer.”
PISCES
February 19–March 20
The scraggly Garfield plush that’s been well-loved
Like him, you are just a little guy who’s kind of crumpled but full of love. If you wear a cheap orange catsuit, run through a sprinkler a couple of times, and get people to squeeze the water out of your damp coat, you’ll probably get as close as you can to capturing his essence — a little pathetic but perfectly friend-shaped.
