Reasons why I could never be a professor

Illustrations by Emma Wu

By: Simrin Purhar

  • My parents keep asking me if I’m sure “school is for me.” 
  • I’m a member of the pro-plagiarism society.

  • I’m not sure how I would indicate to students that I’m accepting bribes in exchange for better grades.
  • I don’t know what an acceptable bribe would even be ($20 for half a letter grade change? $30 for a full??)
  • I find it difficult to maintain strictly professional relationships.
  • My anxiety is triggered when I’m surrounded by younger, skinnier, and better-dressed people.
  • Sometimes I spell my own name wrong. 
  • I’m indecisive and I’d want the students to call me by a different name each  week (Ms.?? Professor?? Just my first name??)
  • I hate apples.