Things you wish someone told you about sex

The top five tips everyone should have in mind

Written by Winona Young, Peak Associate

You should absolutely be 100% blunt with your partner when it comes to sexual health

If you are currently hooking up with someone or plan to see someone a lot just for sex in the near future, the first question out of your mouths shouldn’t be “Your place or mine?” but “When was the last time you got tested?”

If you and a potential partner are hooking up, both of you have got to calm down, keep it in your pants, and put the ‘ho’ in honesty. While bringing up sexual history may break the mood or slow things down, letting your partner know what they may have in store for them medically is the bare minimum. STIs are a common safety hazard — and addressing the topic is common courtesy.

Your sexual history isn’t the only thing you should be honest about! You have to be honest with your partner in other ways, namely . . .

Don’t be afraid to be upfront and full-frontal with your kinks — as long as you’re respectful

Of course, everyone’s main kinks should be consent and mutual respect. More to the point, as university students, we are still barely past the thicket of adolescence and some are still discovering parts of their body. Why shouldn’t we discover more about what we like?

Telling your partner what you like and what you don’t like not only helps you both set boundaries, but also helps communicate to them what could make them be a better partner in bed. When it comes to sex, kinks (within reason) are 100% OK, and great when reciprocated! But if kinks are not shared between you and your boo, you nod your head, respect their boundaries because at the end of the day . . .

Their body, their rules

Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, sexual or not. Treating your sexual partner with basic human decency is the bare minimum of respect you need to meet. Listening to both what your partner has to say and being receptive to their body language and nonverbal cues is very important, especially with sex, which puts a person in an otherwise very vulnerable position.

Communication, you can see, is a very necessary and recurring theme with sex. Being sure that your partner is OK with what you’re doing with them/to them is important. It’s also worth it to say that unless your partner is doing something that makes you uncomfortable or harms you, your opinions on their body are probably unwarranted and unwanted.

While we’re on the topic of potential conflicts that may come up in sexual relationships, here’s a reminder that . . .

It’s normal to get STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections)!

According to HealthLinkBC, STIs are some of the most common infections had around the world. If you believe you begin exhibiting symptoms, stop sexual activity and go to your nearest health clinic for a check up. Be sure to breathe and remember that STIs are nothing to be ashamed of — they are common, and many are treatable/curable.

If you currently have, or plan to have, an active sex life, at some point you will probably be the writer/receiver of the message: “I just found out I’m positive for (this STI), you should go get tested.” Upon finding out about the news, the best course of action is to research the STI in question, and remain calm.

While it is justified if you feel upset or angry at your partner who (probably unknowingly/unintentionally) gave you an STI, remain calm and respectful. Be sure to ask questions so that you can better understand how your health may have been affected, which leads us to our last lesson . . .

Be smart, sexy, and safe

Listen, while getting laid is great and will warrant a high five from me, doing the nasty itself is nasty in the sense that there’s a lot to risk. So the best way to keep yourself smart and safe while being sexually active? Educate yourself on sexual health (i.e. know anatomy, know what sex acts leave you at risk for which STIs, know the types of protection, etc.). By doing so, you become a more well-informed sexual partner.

With all these lessons, go out and hoe out to your heart’s content. Remember: be direct, be respectful, and be nice (or naughty, if that’s what you’re into.)