The best and worst handouts SFU has to offer

Make the most of the free finds at Clubs Days!

Illustrations by Janis McMath

By: Zoe Vedova

As SFU students, we stand in constant vigilance of anyone foolishly attempting to hand us things. While speed-walking from bus stops to lecture halls, our peripheral vision remains sharper than the NORAD defence line — ready to dodge and dive away from any flyer, brochure, or informational pamphlet directed our way. However, when it comes to Clubs Days, the plethora of free giveaways greatly outweighs the dangers of small talk. The freebies are just too enticing to ignore. To assist in maximizing efficiency and profit as you traverse the tables, here’s a compilation of the best and worst handouts SFU has to offer.

    1. Pens and pencils

      A staple of student life, these classic writing utensils constitute a large per cent of giveaways. They offer great practical gain if you’re able to make instant snap judgements on their quality. No one needs another broken piece of plastic petrified in the layer of sediment at the bottom of their backpack, so noting if the pen nib is too small or the eraser is flimsily attached to the pencil before the volunteer even has time to push their mailing list is a crucial skill. Due to their prolificacy at SFU, you can afford to ditch the cheap ones. 
    2. Pins and stickers

      The unequivocal pinnacle of SFU’s free offerings. Pins and stickers are the holy grail of things to snatch off Clubs Days’ tables. Akin to pens and pencils, not all are created with the same level of creativity or quality. Approach prospects in the mindset of a honeybee, zeroing in on the shiny and the colourful. Don’t be afraid to wander over to unfamiliar majors or groups! You never know where you’ll find a treasure-trove of bright graphics declaring your political allegiance and personal values. 
    3.  Condoms

      A truly versatile giveaway, promoting both safe sex and the opportunity for immature comic relief. Condoms and lube spread liberally across tables can be a novelty gag to drop in an unsuspecting friend’s bag or a useful pick-up for yourself. They are available all year round in the All Genders Resource Area in the Rotunda, so no need to panic if you get lucky after Clubs Days are over.

    4. Candy

      The B+ finding of Clubs Days. A snack-size Kit Kat never disappoints, but candy is something you expect from anyone trying to lure you into their pre-scripted spiel. With a touch of sleight of hand, Clubs Days can turn into the unofficial Halloween of the New Year. There’s a fantastic variety of candy offered at Clubs Days, so even the pickiest of candy scavengers can come away a winner. Everyone can come out with a nice handful of treats stuffed away in their pockets for a quick pick-me-up when their blood sugar hits a low halfway through lecture. You can force yourself to stay awake with the reward of an Aero bar half melted in its packaging! However, danger lurks around candy . . . if any Club member plans on holding a single Werther’s Original hostage until you like their group’s page on Facebook, cut your losses right away — the next table will have something better.

 

Whether you follow through on your New Year’s resolution and join a sports team, or just show up to rake in the free goods, enjoy and forage for giveaways responsibly.

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