Looking for the“good boy”

You were tied up outside of a Whole Foods Market wearing a red collar. You were waiting for your human, being a good boy. I was walking with my human, also being a good boy. Maybe we could be good boys together sometime?

When: daytime
Where:  the whole foods near that one park

Floppy-eared stunner

To the beautiful lab I saw walking on the seawall today, I’d like to say one thing:

BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK


When: daytime
Where:  it smells like fish there

Hump ‘n’ Grind

It was a bumpin’ day at the dog park. I was with my girls when I first saw you and when we sniffed each other’s buttholes, you told me that mine smelt like dead bird (what a charmer!)

We humped in the middle of the park but the bouncers pulled us apart — I think your bouncer took you home after that.  

Even though we exchanged sniffs I lost your scent! If you see this, tell me what colour my collar was.

When: daytime
Where: the most exclusive dog park in the whole city

Fire Hydrant Honey 

This is a total long throw but I saw you peeing on a fire hydrant the other night and I thought that your urine smelled pretty cute.

Fetch sometime?

When: nightime
Where: the fire hydrant

A love like this only ever comes along every 13 years. . .

I stopped in my tracks when I saw you in front of me. You were shaking off your coat in the dazzling sunshine — the intoxicating smell of mud and shit filling the air. I wagged my tail and barked at you, and you barked back. Your bark was annoying and head splitting, it swept me off my paws.  Before I could sniff your rancid beauty, I saw a squirrel and absolutely had to chase that good for nothing evil little creature why do they always torment me I’ll have him I will he’ll see and he’ll pay for what he’s done.

When I got back, you disappeared.

Let’s meet up and eat a pile of puke?

When: daytime
Where:  near the big mud puddle at my favourite park