If SFU were like an RPG . . .

1) Research assignments and expeditions would be all the more adventurous to take part in!

2) Costly building renovations could be completed simply by getting the school a new graphics card.

3) Stealing people’s belongings would become even easier (especially in the men’s locker room).

4) The collection of classroom credits would still be exhausting, but you would finally be afforded the opportunity to duel that asshole from calculus tutorial.

5) Even with different options to choose from, dialogue between classroom peers would still probably feel very one-dimensional and contrived.

6) Skipping through a terrible lecture could be achieved by pressing “A” repeatedly.

7) Map waypoints would save you the trouble of getting lost all the time.

8) Instead of starting your undergraduate degree with money and having debt by the end, you could start your degree with nothing and accumulate a fortune as you go.

9) All the egregious mistakes and glitches caused by the course selection process could be fixed with a patch from the main architects themselves (that is, if they feel like releasing one).

10) In one fashion or another, an old white guy would still probably end up being your main antagonist.