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Pepsi reveals secret formula of ice cubes

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
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NEW YORK — The Pepsi Corporation held a much anticipated public event yesterday which they had billed online as “Pepsi Presents: A Secret Formula Revealing” to a record number of disappointed people.

The gathering, which was held at Pepsi’s international headquarters in New York, garnered over 10,000 curious visitors eager for a chance to see behind the magic of the sugary drink company.

“We really wanted to let our customers in on one of our biggest secrets,” announced Pepsi Co. Chairman and CEO, Indra Nooyi. “But everyone already knows how they can get the cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi — they just go to the store and buy one — so we decided to give them the opportunity to find out one of our most guarded secrets: how we make our ice cubes.”

After this point was made clear, most of the audience had already gone home, but for those who stayed they at least got a beginners science lesson.

“People always say to us, I love Pepsi and all its related products, but it never quite seems like it is in the commercial, what are those clear square shaped items in your glasses?” continued Nooyi over murmurs from a disgruntled crowd. “Those are called ice cubes and today, for the first time ever, I’m going to reveal their secret formula.”

The reveal was that these “ice cubes” were actually only made with one ingredient, water, or as Nooyi called it: Pepsi H2O.

Although anyone who had ever seen ice before was not shocked by the second step, there was an unexpected twist. To make Official Pepsi Ice Cubes, you need to freeze the water in an Official Pepsi Ice Cube tray. Luckily, they were being sold at the event for only $5.99.

Overall, Pepsi failed to impress the majority of their customers and only sold a handful of Ice Cube Trays but reports are that their rivals, the Coca-Cola Corporation, is still making plans to one up them.

According to our sources, Coke is holding their own event this week where they plan to not only reveal their own ice cube formula but also reveal the secret ingredient that makes Vanilla Coke different from regular Coke.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society