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Due to tough economy, local creeps set to just give out razor blades

Humour
EIC
EIC
Less than 1 min.
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trickortreatblades

BURNABY — Feeling the strains of the current economic situation, ‘evil strangers’ across the entire lower mainland are reportedly not going to be able to disguise their dangerous Halloween treats this year and are opting, instead, to just hand out razor blades to local children.

According to a friend of a friend, these dangerous and totally real neighbourhood weirdoes who live as regular members of the community all year except for one night when they maliciously harm random children, apparently “just can’t afford the apples and home-made candies that they used to tamper.”

Creeps all over the city have had to face the reality of the financial climate and realize that it isn’t feasible for them to buy anything more than just child-killing essentials.

Until delicious treat prices drop enough to match  that of razorblades, creativity will suffer.

Although just razorblades are not expected to be as effective in harming children as those carefully hidden in irresistible apples, local parents are still being warned to be vigilant of their kids treats and to make sure that they, under no circumstances, allow their children to eat any unwrapped razor blades.

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society