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What Your Graduation Cap Says About You . . .

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Classic Square Academic Hat 

Gradcap1-arielmitchell

You graduated from either a university or high school and now have the minimum requirement to get some terrible job.

 

Classic Square Academic Hat Made Out of Construction Paper

LOLhat--arielmitchell

You either just graduated from kindergarten or are a character in a sitcom who got caught in a web of lies and this is part of your last ditch effort to convince your parents that you didn’t flunk out of college to become a tap-dancer. 

Jester’s Hat

Jester--arielmitchell

Your degree is a joke. Congratulations, you’ve just graduated from an elite clown college. Hopefully you’ll get into a good clown grad school, the only real money is in clowning academia. 

 

Pope Hat

pope_hat_web

Umm . . . man, I should’ve researched this more. You just graduated from, I don’t know . . . Juilliard?

 

McDonald’s Team Leader Hat

mcd_web

I could make an easy joke here about being an arts student or not graduating, but I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m just going to say that this hat probably says that you don’t know what “graduation cap” means.

…

By Brad McLeod
Illustrations by Ariel Mitchell

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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024