Children
Having children is a lot like snorting coke — you pay a ridiculous amount of money just to make yourself incredibly annoying to everyone around you.
Other people’s babies can be cute, when they haven’t learned to talk, or walk, and don’t mind being chained to a post from time to time. But after they start moving and, god forbid, talking, from then on things take a steep turn for the worst. Humans are fragile, volatile, and rebellious, and then they only get worse.
So, say goodbye to that lakehouse in your retirement when you have a kid, because our already-extended childhoods are getting longer every generation. Say goodbye to hopes, dreams, loud sex, and a clean kitchen floor.
Algeria
If there’s something that really rubs me the wrong way, it’s Algeria. Now, to be clear, I’m not talking about the Algerian people, we’re cool. I’m also not talking about the Algerian cultural identity; we haven’t had beef since we hugged it out in ’76.
No, I’m talking about that piece of shit Algeria. Thinking its so high and mighty because it supplies 11 per cent of the world’s helium. Oh boy, I guess that mean we’ll be able to fill up our birthday balloons this year. Big fucking deal.
Oh and its always hanging out with Libya and Tunisia, thinking its part of their little gang. Well you know the only reason they even hang out with you is because they’re landlocked with you.
Goddamit, I fucking hate you Algeria. I hate each of your stupid provinces and districts. Just go die already.
— Gary Lim
