By: Cam Darting, SFU Student
Aries
March 21–April 19
The heavens have chosen. Aries is represented by Sikowitz. Just like the eccentric drama teacher, Arieses have no filter and are quite forgetful. This may land you in a sour situation, like drinking milk from an old coconut. I urge you to walk barefoot outside and really reflect on whether you must always say what’s in your head.
Taurus
April 20–May 20
The heavens have chosen. André’s grandma represents Taurus. Like her, Tauruses are very set in their ways. They never want to change their beliefs and aren’t fond of authority. This means whatever they believe goes. If a Taurus says there’s a helicopter in their living room, you’d better go with it. Because of this, Tauruses must work on being more flexible and cooperative.
Gemini
May 21–June 20
The heavens have chosen. Cat Valentine represents Gemini. Just like the easily-distracted redhead, Geminis are playful and easily adapt to social situations. They’re the definition of a social butterfly. I urge Geminis to not be so trustworthy. Somewhere in their future, there will be betrayal because of their friendly nature.
Cancer
June 21–July 22
The heavens have chosen. Cancer is represented by Jade West. Just like the goth teenager, Cancers are very moody. They can go from zero to 100 in two seconds. I recommend they go out in nature at least once this week and allow the cold winds to calm them down. If all else fails, write a horrifying play about clowns . . . and how they don’t bounce.
Leo
July 23–August 22
The heavens have chosen. Leo is represented by Trina Vega. Just like the spotlight-loving sister, Leos love being the center of attention. They are so confident in themselves no matter the circumstances. They can believe they are a good singer even if they aren’t. Keep doing you, Leos, and keep method acting. After all, how can you play a character with tuberculosis if you yourself don’t go out of your way to get tuberculosis?
Virgo
August 23–September 22
The heavens have chosen. Virgo is represented by André Harris. Just as the soft-spoken musician, Virgos are kind and patient. Be careful or else your helpful nature may cause you to get stuck in a pear costume! Anyways . . . Virgos, stop being pushovers.
Libra
September 23–October 22
The heavens have chosen. Libra is represented by Tori Vega. Just like the cheekboned quirky girl, Libras are very affectionate and honest. They go above and beyond for those they love. They might even write their sister a birthday song and perform it just for her to tell them it’s a bad gift. My advice for Libras is to buy a gift instead of making one.
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
The heavens have chosen. Scorpio is represented by Robbie Shapiro. Just like the awkward curly-headed outcast, Scorpios are secretive. They always have a secret agenda and want to be loved. However, I do not recommend starting a paparazzi club that exposes your best friends.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
The heavens have chosen. Sagittarius is represented by Beck Oliver. Just as the handsome actor, Sagittariuses tend to be sweet talkers. They do the bare minimum and people will be fawning over them. They even have teachers complimenting how nice their hair is. BUT, this comes at a cost. They are constantly flirting, causing trouble in their relationships. Sagittarius, keep it in your pants and be loyal for once.
Capricorn
December 22–January 19
The heavens have chosen. Capricorn is represented by Helen Dubois. Just like the witty new principle, Capricorns are stubborn. They are perfectionists. They want nothing but the best. The last thing you want is to have a Capricorn be the judge of whether or not you get into a performing arts school because they are brutal. Capricorns, loosen up. It really is not that deep.
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
The heavens have chosen. Aquarius is represented by Sinjin Van Cleef. Just as the bizarre side character, Aquariuses are technical. They are clever and innovative. Because of this, they may be part of a tech crew in charge of lights and sound. Though nice, this can lead them to be a nobody. Aquarius, step outside your tech world and try something physical for once.
Pisces
February 19–March 20
The heavens have chosen. Pisces is represented by Lane Alexander. Just like the guidance counsellor, Pisces are wise. They are helpful, friendly and mostly loved by everyone. Nothing bad to say. Keep up the good work Pisces!
