By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer
I don’t know what’s harder to believe — the fact that the first episode of Riverdale aired in 2017 (grade 10 me is screaming) or that it continued for six more years. The plots have gotten wilder and more unbelievable than anyone ever thought possible. For all of the former or secretly-still-watching viewers of the infamous mystery/horror/comedy/drama, here is a compilation of the most epic highs and lows ever derived from the Netflix original.
- 16-year-old Veronica Lodge running her own speakeasy
In what world is this legal? I get the fact that her dad had tons of money (what his business was other than running trafficking illegal substances, I’ll never know), but there had to have been some sort of regulations. Mind you, a lot of things went unnoticed in the town of Riverdale. Did law enforcement simply not exist or did they just overlook every single crime until they decided Archie should go to prison? Not that 17-year-old me didn’t aspire to be like Veronica one day — who wouldn’t want a lavish, fully stocked bar to hang out with your friends after cheerleading practice? Sometimes we just have to girlboss, illegally. Did I mention one of the best-looking, underage football players would be running the bar? I mean, I guess it’s fine considering the actor is closer to 30 than he is 16 . . .
2. “Alternate universe” fanfiction
Because apparently not enough was going down in the small town, a crack opened up in the multiverse. Most of these alternate universes set the scene for steamy moments between Betty and Jughead, including a photographer-model dynamic, a college meet-cute (at least the cast would look closer to their age), and the iconic friends to lovers trope. As long as they don’t decide to give the characters super powers, they don’t sound half bad.
3. The one where the show decides to steal from Endgame
Oh, you know: this is a regular high school drama, with regular people deciding that they can look through a million different timelines à la Doctor Strange. At this point in the show, you’re used to Riverdale’s shenanigans, but are we ever really used to it? Maybe I’ll find out in a different universe . . .
- Jughead and Veronica fanfics
Okay, this subgenre may just be a little bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. Not only because I wanted to be Veronica Lodge, but because Jughead was so completely my type in high school. At 16, I may or may not have debated buying a replica of a Southside Serpent’s jacket. There’s something about the moody beanie boy getting together with a pearl-strung rich girl that reminds me of the plot of a John Hughes movie. Sometimes all we need is a little opposites attract romance.
- Archie getting mauled by a bear
Just plain unnecessary. I’m convinced this was just another excuse for Archie to be shirtless on screen (not that I’m complaining), because this little detail added absolutely nothing to the plot itself. Trying to give him a hero complex? I think the fact that he pleaded guilty to a crime he didn’t commit was enough to make him a good guy, don’t you think?
- The Gargoyle King
A part of me was actually terrified of watching this season because this costume was so freaking scary I could barely watch the show during the day, let alone at night. The other part of me wanted to laugh because this was such a ridiculous addition to the show, I began to question why I was still watching. When they finally unmasked him to reveal a Dave Franco lookalike, I was utterly astounded.
