By: Sara Brinkac, Humour Editor

• My dog ate my homework

A timeless classic for an excuse that works every time. Some may say that in the digital age, your dog eating your homework is impossible. I say with enough eye contact and persistent confidence, your professor has no choice but to give in.

• You’re sick

It’s not like you’re lying if you truly are just a totally sick, super rad person. Your professor doesn’t have to know you weren’t physically ill; they just have to give you that sweet sweet extra two days.

• Power outage

Power outages have always been a random blessing from the gods for students in need of extensions everywhere. But unfortunately they are so random and disparate it’s hard to count on them as a timely excuse. This is exactly why you have to take matters into your own hands, climb that power pole with a hammer and just go to town.

• Bribery

I’ve never met a professor that’s not an absolute sucker for an apple.* Teachers just keep leaning into stereotypes, they can’t help themselves.

*Honey Crisp: 1 Day, Pink Lady: 2 Days, Red Delicious: –1 Day (C’mon man, you’re better than that).

• Cry

Just cry at them.

• Lost internet connection
  A totally reasonable excuse especially in online learning scenarios. This one will be a bit harder to explain to your professor if you don’t have the internet to email them but I’ve found showing up at their house at 3:00 a.m. never seems to fail in getting what I want.

(Please don’t actually do this. Just use your data.)

• Be honest

You could be upfront with your professor, letting them know that you have a heavy course load, personal stressors, or a whole host of legitimate excuses they would be sympathetic to. But that’s boring.

• Punch them square in the knee

This is an absolute power play because it both confuses and intimidates your professor. Be warned though: physical violence — much like Tom Cruise’s 1983 hit movie — is risky business. So you’ve really got to ask yourself just how much that EDUC 100 mark means to you (the answer should be “a lot.”)

• Home Depot

No headline ever said this article was about getting an extension on your paper and there’s tons of great options for extension cords at Home Depot. You’re welcome.

• Is it OK if I have a day to submit this one? My computer charger stopped working and my laptop’s about to die 🙁