Humour
SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague
December 8, 2025By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary. Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the…
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CHRISTMAS CANCELLED: Mariah Carey refuses to defrost
December 8, 2025By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer BREAKING NEWS — Mariah Carey, the official “Queen of Christmas,” is refusing to defrost. The beloved American singer, best known for her 1994 hit “All I Want For Christmas is You,” remains stubbornly encased within…
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The life of an SFU president
December 8, 2025By: Matthew Cullings, SFU Student [Verse 1: SFU student] Her name was Joy Johnson, Spent SFU’s money without precaution, While every elevator on the mountain was stoppin’, That’s OK, she’s was online shoppin’. This is her playhouse, We’re just all…
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Autopsy Report: Your basic white dad
November 11, 2025By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Coroner The following is a transcription of a voice recording from a mortician’s autopsy. Testing, testing. OK, time is 8:14 a.m. on Saturday, October 14, 2017. Name of deceased: Doug Graves. Location of death — uhh…
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SCARY STORIES: Vampire spotted at the Bennett Library
November 11, 2025By: Gurnoor Jhajj, SFU Student and Mason Mattu, Humour Editor It all went down before a history midterm, on the sixth floor of the library. I was going over my notes, double-fisting two coffees and an energy drink, when I…
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BEEDIE BRO: Ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and great investment opportunities
November 11, 2025By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, Entrepreneur Yes, I still go trick-or-treating, just not for the candy. What a lot of people without the Beedie mindset don’t realize is that Halloween is the perfect networking opportunity. See, while everyone else is going door…
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I HATE YOU. UNSINCERLY, YOUR LAPTOP’S KEYBOARD
November 11, 2025By: Veronica Richards, SFU Student Every day, I curse that I was born as a plebeian laptop keyboard! If only I could’ve been a bougie mechanical with 18 different components and satisfying clicky sounds . . . (click, click, click).…
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SFUnexplained: What’s hiding behind the surface of the reflecting pond?
November 11, 2025By: Sasha Rubick, SFU Student It’s easy to disregard the SFU reflecting pond when you walk past it every day. But here at The Peak, we wear tin foil hats to pitch meetings and curate evidence boards. That’s how real…
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The Convocation Games
November 11, 2025By: Tribute from District Academia The day the reaping email arrived, the clouds over Burnaby brooded deeper than usual. A message was broadcast to every graduating student from the registrar’s office: “Each graduate shall receive two tickets for the ceremony.…
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A Peak through the archives: Judging past humour pieces
November 11, 2025By: Heidi Kwok, Humour Expert Did you know that The Peak wasn’t always funny? Gasp, you say. Oh, but it’s true. It wasn’t until the first humour section, “Nifty Pages,” graced us with its presence on January 12, 1998, that…
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