By: Tomos Land, Amateur Horologist

With the FIFA World Cup fast approaching, the City of Vancouver is scrambling to come up with the cash to cover the spiralling costs of hosting matches at BC Place. With the competition expected to bring tens of thousands of fans to the city, in true capitalist fashion, there is only one thing that matters: its financial benefits to the economy, of course. With the eye-popping costs involved with hosting, Mayor Ken Sim is looking at bringing some more money back from the big old ball. Well, at least it seems more important than anything else on his to-do list. Thankfully, the former entrepreneur has risen to the occasion, and come up with an ingenious solution to reduce the deficit, with plans to clone the Gastown Steam Clock and have various clones of the clock placed on the corner of every city block in downtown Vancouver for the duration of the tournament. The Peak corresponded with Ken Sim, Canadian soccer star Alphonso Davies, and a city local to find out more about the move. 

“The steam clock is one of the world’s most important inventions. Sometimes you spend your whole life looking for something and it’s right there staring you in the face all along.” — Ken Sim

Sim revealed that other Vancouver landmarks, such as the Kitsilano Pool and Pacific Central Station were considered, but practical considerations prevented the implementation of such plans. “We really don’t need any more public transit,” he said. “A pool on every street corner would also be impractical and we don’t want to be providing any unnecessary cooling aids for people during the warmer weather this summer. The last thing this city needs is something that needlessly improves the lives of our residents. Our main focus is to help those not-in-need.”

The Peak also spoke with Davies, the talisman of the national team, who was very supportive of the City’s plan to clone the clock. “This will really help me make sure I get to games on time.” Timekeeping, he explained, is something he often struggles with, especially flying in from Germany. “Time zone difference is just such a strange concept, what do you mean it’s now night time? I just had my goddamn breakfast. Coach has been telling people I’m missing the first game because of an injury, but it’s really just because I can’t play a morning game. With a clock on every street corner, I really don’t have an excuse to miss a game.”

Finally, The Peak spoke with a Vancouver local outside their West Point Grey home. “It’s really nice to see the City prioritizing businesses, instead of wasting their money on frivolous welfare projects. The market will take care of the housing crisis, opioid epidemic, and all those other inconveniences.” Asked if he would be in town to admire Mayor Sim’s handiwork, he shared that they would be out of the country. “We rented our house for the entirety of the tournament. $10,000 a night, can you believe it! It’s a shame I won’t get the chance to see the clocks, but I’m fully in support of Sim’s work, thank you Mr. Mayor.”