By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate
Aries
March 21–April 19
Aries! The Karens of fall. You have just awakened in time for spooky season and are entering your natural state. Be aware not everyone is like you! They won’t care when you are possessed and order every fall-flavoured drink off the menu at your local café. But we will get testy when you inevitably complain that the drink doesn’t have enough pumpkin, cinnamon, or syrup. So you might be in your natural habitat, but fall will bring the evil out of the rest of us.
Taurus
April 20–May 20
I see you! I know you, and we both know that you will be getting into that stash of candy far before October 31 shows up. We both know you will be hitting the stores, buying the bulk boxes of chocolate, chips, and candy — and keeping a pile for yourself. I’m sure you are already a regular who buys candy at every store you visit. So why not take advantage of the spooky season?
Gemini
May 21–June 20
Moody, impulsive, devious, guarded, and possibly acting childishly. Are you Beetlejuice? Do your negative traits align with all the good ones from Betelgeuse? I bet you’ll watch it in theatres and then ask why Beetlejuice seems so familiar. Don’t ask me; the answer’s within yourself.
Cancer
June 21–July 22
This is supposed to be your time of year! Fall romances! And yummy fall flavours. But now you remember October 3, when it was National Boyfriend Day, and you were sitting there alone. Once again, you are living without a cute autumn romance. The best you have are the boyfriends and girlfriends within the pages. Bring your favourite romance novel to an upcoming Halloween party to show your suitors exactly what you’re looking for.
Leo
July 23–August 22
It has become “Sweater Weather,” and you are rushing to all the stores for the hottest new knit sweaters to fit the aesthetic with a PSL in your hand. Your bank account might be screaming “no,” but your shopping obsession and the love for a new outfit take over and say “yes!” The new sweater will be yours, and now you’re all stocked up for fall with a full Hallmark-style wardrobe. However, since it is Halloween, expect the price of looking fantastic to be horrifying.
Virgo
August 23–September 22
You all tend to be perfectionists — so good luck carving and hollowing out your pumpkins. The slimy, gross insides do have to come out. RIP Virgos. Since you’re looking for things to stay calm and in control, this is the wrong season for you. It’s Halloween, nothing is normal, but do not worry, you’re still the pick of the pumpkin patch, darlin’.
Libra
September 23–October 22
Libras, we know you. And we know you have been hoping and dreaming of living your Red era with a cute autumn romance like Taylor and Travis in a football stadium after the Superbowl. So you are probably going to dress up as Taylor’s Red era and your friends, as her other eras for Halloween. But we know that the majority of you, (90%) are going to end up looking like evermore. We all know the season, “All Too Well.”
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
Like Regina George, you want to control everything from the people sitting with you to your friends’ clothes. But reality check time, Scorpios, you can’t bully or even fight the weather. The leaves will change colour regardless. Goodbye summer warmth, and hello, fall cold. But don’t let that stop you from showing some skin. “Halloween is the one night a year when [anyone] can dress like a total slut and no other [people] can say anything about it . . . ” Although if you are itching for a fight, I hear arguments over the most popular Halloween movie of 2024 are all the rage.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
We knew lots of people would attend fall kickoff. Including the YOLO, free Sagittarius, who has approaching midterms they should be studying for. But then again, Sagittarius are typically business students and what do you really have to hand in? Business plans? Colouring sheets? Aside from that, be safe out there peeps, enough movies have shown the group of friends at a party screaming YOLO tend to die first.
Capricorn
December 22–January 19
Self righteous, you are the killer in the story. Don’t blame everyone from running from you this Halloween, you feel it don’t you? Did something happen and now you’re a changed person? Are the spirits taking control? When you zone out, or become distracted, how much control of your physical form do you really have?
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
We all want to be the Rory Gilmore of fall, but you know who tops everyone? Aquarius, with their “it girl” quirks, and wannabe fall vibes. They are bound for trouble this Halloween. Or the alternative is spending the whole night indoors with a good book and a coffee. Either way, Aquarius are going to have a spook-tacular night for themselves.
Pisces
February 19–March 20
Pisces, best to go out this Halloween! Ideally a corn maze with your friends, where with your dreamy escape from reality vibe you will surely get lost. Allowing the possibility of your own Lara Jean moment in the meadow. Where you get to live your happily ever after, only after getting tragically lost in a maze. I hear “cat and mouse” has been a popular game recently. Best not to lose your opportunity for a fall romance to be replaced with a “Corpse Bride” style situation, and Halloween funeral.
