By: Hailey Miller, SFU Student
Hello there, it’s me, the Bennett Library Asbestos — your local campus enemy. I’ve been living on residence since the dawn of SFU’s inception, and let me tell you, what a ride it has been. Most people around here don’t see me as the warm and fuzzy type. I get it — you don’t want me anywhere near you. It’s okay. I know we can’t all be friends. I don’t have many acquaintances, but the hidden critters and I are close buddies. I don’t mind, though, as I like to keep things low-key. You see, I am everywhere without ever being noticed. I reside in the walls and the halls, the ceilings and the floorboards. I roam free without a sound, lingering deep into the night and rising early with the birds each morning.
It’s quite homey here. Believe me, I’ve stayed around longer than anyone else on this side of town. The library is my stomping ground. It’s quite the happening place, you know? The study rooms are constantly abuzz with late-night research projects, accompanied by a generous serving of exam cramming. I often hear the moan of the printer over-exerting himself. Poor guy gets jammed daily. The fluorescent lights beam bright enough to give the gleaming computer screens a run for their money. The floors are stupendously sticky, and the air openly presents itself as stale and musty. All flaws aside, this is my beautiful, old home — no matter how dark and dreary.
Until recently, I’ve been doing just fine. It wasn’t until the scary construction crews came barrelling in — knocking down my precious panels and invading my insulation — that I was feverishly exposed. Sure, the humans expected that I was somewhere around here, especially considering my age — gah, I’m old! I didn’t expect that it would happen so soon, though. I figured I had a few more years of living rent-free, but I guess I have to say goodbye to this overpriced market sooner than I please. Man, today’s inflation is greater than the price of my relentless removal — and let me tell you, I cost a pretty penny.
The drilling sounds of the construction workers destroying my habitat make my head ache with no escape. My particles crumble and cascade as I stumble and stagger in my place. What did I ever do to be expelled from the university? I was a good student — a lifelong learner all these years. The amount of money the admins raked in from my tuition over the years, oh, please! I was the cause of their early retirements.
Wait a second . . . what is that? My reminiscences are disrupted by a twinge and a tingle.
Ouch, that hurts! I think to myself.
“Woah, there, buddy!” I yelp through gritted teeth. This human is most certainly not my buddy.
The human startles. “Ah!” he exclaims, as if he’s never heard a talking piece of Asbestos before. “Who’s there?”
“Oh, relax! It’s just me, your Asbestos frenemy.” I retort back.
The man shakes in disbelief.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” I question.
“It’s time for you to go,” he demands.
“Oh, please, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried!” I state stubbornly.
I put up a feisty fight, swinging in the man’s direction. Surely, I will get my revenge. The man fights back without mercy, but I’m on top of the battle now. He tries stuffing me into a sealed bag — vacuuming the air out of me, suctioning up my particles — but we both know he can’t get rid of me. So, I’ll keep haunting SFU throughout this defeat.
