BURNABY — According to sources, university student Jordan Pitre is unwavering in his belief that tomorrow will “definitely” be the day that he hits on girls he sees on campus.
Although the student’s confidence is self-described as staunch and self-assured, when asked about why he didn’t just do it today, Pitre summed up that he was “feeling kind of hungry,” and that his “shirt is kind of old,” and that his “cell phone battery was a little low” and therefore was “not really feeling it.”
Pitre, who is reportedly so lonely he sometimes asks people for directions even though he already knows where he’s going, has thought a lot about how he will approach the women.
“I’ll just walk up to a cute girl and introduce myself and ask them how it’s going” he told The Peak, “it’s such an easy thing to do . . . tomorrow.”
He explained that he already has a variety of ideas locked and loaded for starting conversations with girls like, “Hey, it’s totally random, but I thought you were cute and I had to come and say ‘hi.’ Hi .” He even thought about trying the line “Ever wanted to start a conversation but didn’t know what to say? Well this is what I came up with.”
He also brilliantly came up with a false time-constraint like “I’m just on my way to class,” so they won’t think he will linger.
“I mean, what’s the worst thing that could happen? They blow me off and think I’m creepy?” Jordan concluded. “There’s like 30,000 people at this school, that’s not such a big deal.”
Immediately after saying this, two stunning Asian girls walked by, and when asked why he didn’t hit on them, he said “What? Like right now? No, no, I can’t do that. I kind of have to go to the bathroom right now so it wouldn’t be good. Tomorrow, man.”
