By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer
If you want to be a successful scholar, you’ve got to speak like one. I, your local overly-seasoned scholarly chick who’s well-versed in degrees, dialogue, and drama, will cover all your slang-chatting needs! Look no further than SFU’s Scholarly Slang 101 dictionary. You’ll be using that literary lingo in no time!
Coffee Zombie
The Coffee Zombies arrive late to class after waiting in an absurdly long caffeine lineup.
Literally every student who’s ever had to wake up at any hour of the day to drag their ass down to campus and take some course they haven’t even paid attention to because they’re too tired to pay said attention. Is the caffeine even doing anything at this point? Coffee Zombies should take a nice little stroll (in their stroller) to the nappy room. Looks like someone needs some nappy time!
Mousetrap
I’ve got a class in the Mousetrap and I have no idea where it is!
None other than the AQ, of course! If you thought you were good at those kids’ maze books when you were in the prime of your youth, think again! All you coffee zombies will be lost the moment you enter any doorway that leads to the mysterious labyrinth that is the most musty building on campus — full of real mice, I’m sure!
Nappy Pants
All the Nappy Pants are headed to their favourite hideout on campus to sleep away the stress.
A student who lives in the nap room on the Burnaby campus 24/7 and most certainly doesn’t abide by the “two-hours max” rule. They just live on campus at this point and can’t survive a class without getting a pre- and post-nap in. No blankets, no problem!
Nester
The nesters love to hangout at Nester’s.
No, I’m not talking about someone who’s still living at home with their parents. Been there, done that. Rather, the “nester” refers to the Average Joe who loves to hangout at Nester’s Market (in Vancouver or Burnaby!) between every class. Among the elitists, they’ve got more points on their non-existent NestPoints card than they’ve got credits under their degree. What a super scholar!
Prop Graveyard
“I’m off to return the theatre props to the (prop) graveyard.”
Creepy dolls galore! Fully equipped with every prop under the sun, all the artsy theatre and film students at Goldcorp head down to the prop shop (AKA the “graveyard”), where every unused prop remains for the rest of time.
Studio D (for Dramatic)
“Did you catch the multidisciplinary performance in Studio D?”
Where all the dramatic theatre shit goes down — literally — to the basement of Goldcorp that’s nearly never used. The mysterious spot that everyone knows, but no one talks about. Nothing says “dramatic” like a dungeon-esque performance space.
The Attic
Music majors practice their compositions in the Attic above the music room.
The prime acoustic practice spot to jam out if you’re lucky enough to know the code to get in. So exclusive, so fancy! Nothing screams “productive studio session” like being cooped up in a claustrophobic, pad-locked narrow hallway hovering over the main music room at Goldcorp with flawless acoustics! Not.
The Blonde
Dance majors choreograph their latest numbers in The Blonde.
The most prestigious dance studio at Goldcorp. It has zero windows and a million mirrors to make your head spin. Want to practice your pirouettes without getting dizzy? This is the place for you — with blonde wigs spewed everywhere, and a piano to trip over in the middle of the room. Five, six, seven, eight, it’s Britney, bitch!
The Concurse
“I’ll meet you in the Concurse to eat stale refreshments and have an unproductive study session.”
Harbour Centre’s finest meetup spot. Absolutely bustling with so much chatter that you won’t even get the chance to think. Who needs to study anyway? Perfect for escaping all those last-minute assignments you’ve been procrastinating. There’s no networking event like a concurse networking event!
The Stairmaster
“Meet ya at the top of the Stairmaster to watch the sunset!”
Every damn hill around the Burnaby campus, duh! Whether you’re an avid outdoorsperson or not, you chose SFU for a reason, right? Gotta love a nice round of bootcamp every time you step foot on campus and have to climb the stairmaster of a mountain.
The SUBmarine
One of the favourite hangout spots on the Burnaby campus is the SUBmarine.
You’ve heard of the SUB, but what about the SUBmarine? The moment you walk through the union doors — that your fees are paying way too much for — you’ll be swimming in schoolwork with not even an ounce of concentration because the party vibe is going so hard you won’t need to study anyway.
