By: Gurneet Lohcham, SFU Student

Aries

We know you’ve already created your Halloween playlist, and I can bet you anything that the Ghostbusters (1984) soundtrack is definitely on it. But do you really need to be listening to that in early September? I’m sure the ghosts are turning in their graves because you aren’t letting them sleep. You should wait until we at least hit fall before blasting that playlist, or it won’t be only Casper, the friendly ghost visiting you this Halloween. 

Gemini

Hey, prankster! Hold your horses for one more month. I know you have a ton of pranks planned for this Halloween. Steer clear from the usual sheet ghost one. It’s getting old. I can tell you this much: You will have a very successful October this year with all your tricks. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer this year, though. I sense that you won’t be the only one playing the pranks this year. Here’s some friendly advice: If you see a red-eyed wolf, turn the other way . . . It could just be a prank . . . or we may lose our number-one prankster. Beware . . .

Capricorn

I know every year, your family turns down your ideas for them dressing up for Halloween. But it’s your lucky year! They’ll be more excited to dress up than you this year. I know how obsessed you are with Percy Jackson, and it’s time to enter your demigod era. You’ve been waiting way too long for this moment, and it’s finally here. So, make sure you go all out. Bring out the bead necklaces, the Camp Half-Blood shirts, and the ballpoint pen (IYKYK).

Sagittarius

You’ve been working so hard all summer, Sag. It’s time to take a break before the fall semester begins. Put on those fuzzy socks and grab a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. No more staying up late, or you’ll have no energy left by October 31. With Halloween coming up, all the ghosts and ghouls are roaming around. And their favourite time to come outside is during the night . . . Better not stay up too late; they wouldn’t mind visiting those who don’t sleep. It’s best to avoid such members of our society, especially when you have fall courses to pass. Goodnight, don’t let the mice bite. 🙂

Leo

Leo, you deserve a break after all that hard work you’ve been doing. What better way than pre-buying and munching on Halloween candy while snuggling in bed? I know you’ve been having a hectic few weeks, but Halloween is coming up. Scream all you want, and maybe watch the new Scream (2022) while you’re at it. 🙂 A lot is happening during Spooky Season; I doubt anyone will hear you, so scream all you want.

Scorpio

Hey Scorpio, did your cat suddenly learn to flush the toilet? Did that light bulb just start floating behind you? Or, did your grandpa’s laugh get a little creepier than it used to be? Your cat might’ve unlocked a lot more brain capacity. But that doesn’t explain the light bulb or the laugh. It could all be a coincidence, but you and I both know coincidences aren’t your thing. You could ignore everything and go about your day, but with Halloween approaching, I’d say be alert and be on the lookout. You never know when your cat might try to eat your grandpa or vice versa . . .

Aquarius

I know you have a lot on your plate, and on top of that, in a month, you’ll have pumpkin pie and Halloween candy, too. I’m just kidding, but I know you haven’t been feeling so hot lately. With Halloween coming up, I suggest you remember that good and bad ghosts are roaming around. Why don’t you have a séance or light a few candles and pretend for the feels of it? You and your friends will have a spooky blast, and you never know; perhaps you’ll hear from beyond the grave.

Taurus

Haven’t you been nervous? You know, with your condition and Halloween fast approaching. Who keeps you cool, calm, and collected? Don’t you ever feel like letting go and biting their heads off? I mean, since you have that ability, being a vampire and all. I am proud of you for making it this far. But you must be excited, too — no more hiding in the house, all the rain and the cold . . . ooooh, it’s all so exciting. But be careful, Taurus, people get weird around this time of year, the garlic on the doors, the hunts for peculiar creatures and all.

Pisces

Pisces, have you completed your latest book? What was it called? Oh yeah, “The Lady in the Dark Forest Who Ate Her Rabbit.” Where do you come up with these? You know what’s funny about your last bestseller? I heard a story on the news the other day, very similar to yours, but you wrote that over a year ago . . . Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. It must be scary though, seeing the future. I should warn you there aren’t very many people who understand your gift. If I were you, I’d take a break. There’s a certain big fish in the publishing business looking for you.

Libra

I know how much you love mysteries, my dear friend. And I have a surprise for you. This Halloween, you’ve been asked to be the lead investigator for the series of murders happening around the city. This one is going to be difficult, Libra. I would suggest getting all the help you can get to crack this mystery. I heard your favourite book went missing the other day. Here’s a secret: find the book and find the next clue. You’re in for a heck of an adventure, Libra. Quick tip: start with your friends.

Cancer

Don’t even think about it. You know you hate scary movies, so why do you always put yourself through a horror movie marathon around Halloween? You scream, spill the popcorn, and don’t let your roommates sleep. Why do you do it? Especially this Halloween, don’t do it. I’ve heard stories of people just like you watching horror movies. It just so happens that there’s one particular movie that, when a Cancer watches it, it becomes their reality. I won’t tell you which one it is, though. It’ll be fun to have you find it. I guess this may be your last horror movie marathon, after all.

Virgo

You love Halloween and adventure. Virgo, I suggest you opt out of Halloween this year. It doesn’t seem to be a great time for you. We know you love treats on Halloween, but it looks like someone is out to play a trick on you this time. Why don’t you stay home and watch a Halloween movie this year? I would even steer clear of that graveyard you always visit. I know it’s important to you, but cemeteries have eyes and ears too. They’ve been listening, and this is the year they take you. Just sit back and bake some Halloween cookies, okay. 🙂