Top ten reasons to stress about midterms

By: Hailey Miller, SFU Student

Well, fellow students, it’s that time of the semester again. The blissful midterm season is in full swing. This year’s summer midterm agenda is overflowing with all-nighters, last-minute cram sessions, regrets of “why did I leave this until the last second?” and a generous side of “did we even learn this in class?” So, without further ado, may I present to you the patented list of top ten midterm stressors, according to none other than . . . yours truly. All aboard the Midterm Stress Express!  

1. You haven’t attended classes all semester. Okay, maybe you went to the first class during the good ol’ syllabus week. Beyond that, you decided not to make the effort, having realized within the first week that the prof is too much of a bore. Total snooze fest, am I right? It’s much better to have spent your time learning the material yourself than even attempting to attend the midterm review class a week before the break of fate.
2. You didn’t bother attending the mandatory labs (or tutorials), either. Who cares about the attendance and participation marks, anyway? Not that you weren’t paying attention, but the prof never said anything about lab materials being included in the midterm exam, did they? What about the TA? Have they even marked any of the work for the first half of the semester? 
3. You have yet to open the required textbook. The cellophane cover still glistens in all its glory — the academic limelight of regret shining upon its crinkly edges. It’s fine. You can just read the Coles Notes really quick! What a waste of money that you didn’t have. Your poor, old, broken bank account cries out alongside your dwindling grades.
4. You’ve been sleeping your way through the semester or, frankly, your entire degree. On the odd occasion that you have attended a lecture or two, you’re really just there to catch up on some z’s. A siesta fiesta takes place in the back corner of the lecture hall, accompanied by a baseball cap and sunglasses as the stars of the show. As long as you’re present, and it somehow looks like you might be paying the slightest bit of attention, that’s all that matters. 
5. You’re halfway there, and it’s all downhill from here. At this point, you’ve given up on the perfectionist in you. Perfect grades no longer exist, nor do they matter. The honour roll no longer whispers your name. Do you care? Not in the slightest! A pass is all that will get you past the dreaded midterm rigmarole, so you might as well forget about studying — just as you did for your lack of lecture attendance.
6. You’ve become overly dependent on caffeine. You’ve been praying to the coffee gods that their magical bean energy boosters will somehow conjure up the correct answers to the questions on the paper before you. Your pen will flow with a liquified, caffeinated buzz as the responses miraculously manifest onto the page. A double shot of espresso will surely boost your midterm paper-writing abilities, too.
7. You’re a well-seasoned Cramming Queen. It wouldn’t be midterm season without entering full-blown panic mode, regretting every life decision you’ve ever made, and questioning every piece of scholarly content administered in the first half of the semester. There’s no time like the present to shove at least six weeks of content into your brain and rely on nothing but hopes, dreams, and a little adrenaline rush to get the job done.
8. You’ve come to the conclusion that time management is pointless. By now, you’ve procrastinated too long, and no amount of studying or setting aside more time in your schedule will turn this shipwreck around. Contrary to the above-listed point, you’re wondering whether weighing the pros and cons of cramming is even worth your precious time.
9. You haven’t slept in a week. Proper sleep is for the weak, so you’re about to pull an all-nighter the night before the exam in hopes of having the midterm gods take over. Along with some pencilled-in muscle memory, and visual manifestations of information you never even read in the first place, you’ll be perfectly set to go.
10. You stress about your grades, but do they really matter anyway? C’s get degrees, right? No one’s going to look back at this little midterm mishap, are they? Surely, your future boss will be drilling you about your past midterm-season experiences, but you can cross that bridge when you get there. Just kidding, you won’t even remember your midterm marks a semester from now. Plus, who says you’re not still a Straight-A student after all? Cheers, you’ve got this.