HUMOUR: SFU friendship in critical condition after student forgot to turn anon off

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Two longtime best friends attending SFU appear to be on the outs, thanks what one of them called “the most intense forms of cyberbullying” she’s ever seen: an accidental message received from the other student that was meant to be submitted to SFU Confessions.

Melissa Baker, a third-year Business student, was sent a vague passive-aggressive paragraph about an incident that occurred between her and ex-BFF Amy Eaton last week, in which Eaton alluded to behaviour that Baker displayed that “really grinds [her] gears.”

Eaton, a Communications major, has been claiming the whole thing was a giant misunderstanding, as she meant to submit the post to SFU Confessions but wasn’t paying attention and accidentally messaged the friend she made in grade two.

“It was an honest mistake,” said Eaton. “Mel knows that I would never be the kind of person to just tell someone if they’re bothering me. It’s so rude, and honestly, you don’t know what triggers you might set off.

“I understand that I can’t take the risk that she might get upset if I tell her she’s being rude. She knows I’d never actually bring my problems straight to her face. We’re clearly not in high school anymore.”

Eaton said she usually healthily vents her frustration out of SFU Confessions like most students, where they can use the veil of anonymity to say almost anything they want to about people, with the implication that if they happen to read it, they can pretend it is about someone else and go about their daily business.

She went on to talk about the benefits of stepping up for a friend who has read a post about them. “When you see someone grieving, it can be a great opportunity to remind your friend how valuable you are to them by consoling them and denying said post could ever be true,” Eaton said.

“All the while, you are secretly hoping they magically grow as a human being without ever being shown a real reason to, but would never show it in real life. “

However, Baker is not having any of it, and claims that if Eaton was a “true friend,” she would have thought twice about confronting her directly through a Facebook message.

“I honestly just think that it’s so disrespectful for another person to be upfront when they have an issue. You can’t just be expect someone to be okay with having their flaws pointed out in such a personal, intimate manner,” said Baker.

“I know that she meant to post it anonymously and that I would have never had to deal with it, but now that I know that people would be posting about me personally instead of the other faceless randos SFU has to suffer through every day, I don’t know how our friendship will go back to normal.”

Baker was originally thought to have been looking into a more serious cyberbullying charge, but has since backed down as she stated in a follow-up comment that she wanted to appear only “low-key upset” and is now “just trying to get over it and move on.”

There was an attempt to reach SFU Confessions for a statement during publication, but the only way to contact them was by submitting a confession. At press time, it is believed the media request was stuck in a queue, as the most recent confession was one relating to Thanksgiving: “Turkey for Thanksgiving AGAIN? Real original, mom.”

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