The PSY is reaching critical mass, implosion imminent reports scientists, tabloids
By Gary Lim
Astronomers around the world are urging people to point their televisions to the skies to witness an astronomical event in the making, as the K-pop superstar PSY shifts into the final stages of his stellar cycle.
Park Jae-Sang, better known by his stage name PSY, flared into existence on July 19, 2012. Although the PSY had existed as a minor star in South Korea for several years, it wasn’t until the release of his music video of his smash hit, “Gangnam Style”, that the PSY truly rose to prominence.
In a press conference Dr. Amanda Herschbaum of the Anton Pannekoek institute, discusses the end of the PSY.
“We have been monitoring the PSY for many months now, through the YouTubble telescope. Serendipitously, the PSY appears to have amassed the perfect conditions for his fame to have ballooned to such massive levels. Suitable for all ages, over-the-top bizarre, and ethnic without being too ethnic. What we are witnessing, ladies and gentlemen, is literally a once-in-a-every-couple-of-years event.”
Herschbaum describes the star’s life cycle, from its beginnings to its inevitable fade into obscurity.
“At the beginning, PSY was the basest form of star: a superhot mass. At that point, you’d be hard pressed to find anything hotter than PSY. His videos went viral; his Facebook shares were off the charts, and you couldn’t go three tweets without stumbling on some mash up, lip dub or parody of his signature hit, ‘Gangnam Style’. That’s stage one, where the star is a dense concentration of superhotness, but importantly is still contained within the internet, trapped in its own electro-memetic field.”
“We are just out of stage two, where we see a shift from star to superstar. The PSY was so huge, he was on Ellen and SNL, hell, people were going as him for Halloween.”
“He’s grown so enormous, in fact, that his gravity actually began affecting other astronomical bodies,” says Herschbaum, referring to the clips of PSY teaching his signature dance to long burnt-out stars like Britney Spears and the UN Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon.
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“At the beginning, PSY was the basest form of star: a superhot mass. At that point, you’d be hard pressed to find anything hotter than PSY.
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“As for now, the PSY has entered a cooling period. He’s still around but people are getting sick of talking about him, and he hasn’t done anything new in a while. This period is characterized by increasing tumultousness, as the star’s ego burns off unable to sustain itself.
Indeed, judging from Hollywood tabloids, the PSY’s behaviour has grown increasingly erratic and sometimes violent over the past weeks likely due to interal pressures of fame; including several women who have come forward to claim they birthed his illegitimate child and a new tell-all book being written by one of the horses from the music video.
“It is not pleasant to think about, but our PSY will not be with us much longer. Our computer screens will soon go dark, as he either quietly burns out or violently explodes like the Lohan super cluster in 2004.”
But Herschbaum ends on a hopeful note, announcing to the room of reporters, that the Anton Pannehoek institute is currently working with South Korea to send a team of scientists and music producers to reignite the PSY with an album release in early 2013.
