Marissa Ouyang
Spring semester confessionals
April 6, 2021By: Nancy La, Alex Masse, and Jacob Mattie Attention, adulation, and validation By: Alex Masse The mortifying ordeal of being known, am I right? And through a shoddy, washed-out webcam by a bunch of strangers all at once? Yeah, really not my scene. I got tired of people I’ll probably never meet in-person seeing me mid-quarantine around the end of last semester. I do not want to be perceived in my pyjamas. But, see, I had a dilemma: I love attention, adulation, and validation. It’s probably because I’m a Leo. I mean, I can’t help that the stars made me the…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: April 5–11
April 5, 2021By: Gurleen Aujla, Peak Associate ARIES: You’ve waited until the last minute to watch your lecture recordings and you’re furiously trying to learn about the difference between prosimians, monkeys, and apes at four times speed. Try throwing your laptop in…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 29–April 4
March 29, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, Peak Associate As spring arrives, the animals are waking up from hibernation! Who, you wonder, is your mammalian lookalike? The stars hold the answers . . . ARIES: Imagine this: you are walking in the park minding…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 22–28
March 22, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert / Peak Associate Happy Equinox, everyone! You are formally invited to the annual spring fever infection party! Mild to severe symptoms are expected and may include . . . ARIES: Are you feeling hot, Aries? Is your…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 15–21
March 15, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Aries: Wow. You’re so sexy, Aries. Like really hot. You know what else is sexy? Submitting your assignments on time and washing your sheets. You’re two missed discussion boards away from an F and two…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 8–14
March 8, 2021By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer ARIES: You know how they say “March enters like a lion and leaves like a lamb?” No? Good. Forget it. You’re no lamb, you’re a ram. Start acting like it. Go find a Dodge Ram…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 1–7
March 1, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student ARIES: Since you’re not really a morning person, your black coffee addiction is like adding gasoline to a fire. Combine your morning brew with a cool glass of literal gasoline just for the chaos. TAURUS:…
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Your weekly Shrekly Horoscopes: February 22–28
February 22, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student Happy Chinese New Year! Hardworking ox is jumping in front of the cart to pull us out of the COVID swamp. We asked the stars and swamp expert Shrek for some personalized advice on how…
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Your sexy SFU Horoscopes: February 15–21
February 15, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, SFU Student On top of social distancing measures and a general lack of lust, Mercury is also in retrograde during this sex issue’s shelf life. With the planet of communication going bananas and love planet Venus moving…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: February 8–14
February 8, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer Aries: It’s frustrating to know that people are too cowardly to admit that they’ve been madly in love with you for years. Take action into your own hands. DM your exes, your best friend’s dad,…
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