Marissa Ouyang
Your SFU Horoscopes: October 18–24
November 25, 2021By: Finn Power, SFU Student ARIES: Today you might find yourself feeling strong anger and boredom. It may be beneficial to consider taking up stress-relief activities like petty theft or joining a punk-rock band. TAURUS: I can only imagine you’re reading this in the vain hope to feel less guilty about your terrible life decisions. Sorry to disappoint, but that’s all you; the stars aren’t touching your life with a 100 lightyear pole. GEMINI: It is important that you continue oversharing your trauma on Twitter as today might be the day you finally break 50 likes. Someone may tell you…
Continue reading
Your SFU Horoscopes: October 11–17
November 25, 2021By: Chitransh Motwani, SFU Student ARIES: Well, we know you’re excited for Halloween and your ghostly spirit is at its peak, but turn down your party playlist this weekend because all your housemates have midterms coming up. TAURUS: We all…
Continue reading
Your SFU horoscopes September 20–26
November 25, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor Aries: Dress outside your aesthetic, go to a new coffee shop, and order under a fake name this week, even if only to feel something other than your existential dread at the thought of impending…
Continue reading
Your SFU horoscopes September 13–19
September 13, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: You’re a gas, but the things that fuel you might leave you a wreck. At least you’re driven, like the car that crashed into the pond. TAURUS: You might want to sit down for…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: September 6–12
September 6, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor ARIES: You already know you’re the main character. Show that off with an obnoxiously loud SFU crest tie. Wear it to class. Wear it to the beach. Wear it in the shower. Signal to Beedie…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: July 19–23
July 18, 2021By: Tiffany Chang, Peak Associate ARIES: After a great workout, you’ll (rightfully) choose a homemade smoothie over Tim Hortons. But I sense that your non-existent smoothie-making skills will result in some sort of spill. Some advice? All blenders have minds…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: June 21–27
June 24, 2021By: Paige Riding, Copy Editor ARIES: Everyone shuns you for the water containers piling up in your room, but what about the unabashed fake scenarios you fall asleep to each night? Thirsty doesn’t even begin to cut it, but I’m…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: June 7–13
June 5, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Staff Writer ARIES: Don’t let your goals get ahead of you! Invent a new hobby so you can always be the best at it. Underwater ping-pong? Zombie cosplay gymnastics? Vlogging your cheese puff reviews? Your pick. TAURUS:…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: Pokémon edition
May 17, 2021By: Marco Ovies, Features Editor ARIES: Your fiery spirit will give you the motivation to light a flame this week, just like a Darmanitan going into its Zen Mode. With Jupiter’s planetary ingress into Pisces, you will be full of…
Continue reading
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: May 10–16
May 10, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Humour Editor ARIES: Don’t forget the sayings you were raised on: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say something mean.” “When opportunity knocks on your door, run.” “Treat others the way you were treated when…
Continue reading
