Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: Pokémon edition

May 17–23

A cartoon woman surrounded by Zodiac symbols. She has a yellow dress and orange hair and holds one of the floating symbols.
ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: Marco Ovies, Features Editor

ARIES: Your fiery spirit will give you the motivation to light a flame this week, just like a Darmanitan going into its Zen Mode. With Jupiter’s planetary ingress into Pisces, you will be full of inspiration. Make sure to take a breather, though. This will help you discover your passion (and Psychic type).

TAURUS: The New Moon on May 11 has dropped you a Moon Stone and you have evolved from Nidorina into a majestic Nidoqueen. The new addition of your Ground typing with Poison will make you a valuable party asset. Just don’t let your ego get in the way. Remember, you don’t learn any new moves once you evolve.

GEMINI: After a long wait, you’re starting to see abundance entering your life. Just like the smol Budew, you took your time building friendships and it is now time for you to flower into the beautiful Roselia. Start manifesting that Gym Badge, that elusive Shiny Stone, or even a social life. The sky’s the limit.

CANCER: Magikarp is seen as weak (like you) and appears to be perpetually screaming (like you). Unlike Magikarp, it’s time for you to stop splashing around. Try finally hitting level 20 and becoming the glorious Gyarados you were meant to be. It’s not that hard — grab your Experience Share and make others do the work for you.

LEO: You are Snorunt: cold, forgettable, and kind of terrifying to look at. You can either wait to evolve into the pure Ice-type Glalie or decide to go Ghost like Danny Phantom and become Froslass. I recommend Glalie — it consumes frozen Pokémon with a ferocity that resembles yours when no one compliments your hair.

VIRGO: It’s time for you to open up to new possibilities and outlooks in life, which is why you are the perfect Eevee. You have so many options for your aesthetic. Fulfil your cottage-core dreams and evolve into Leafeon, or become cold and distant like your ex and choose Glaceon. The world is your Cloyster.

LIBRA: When the going gets rough, don’t let it get you down, Rockruff. You may look like the smallest and cutest dog, but you’ve got a rock-hard attitude. You have the resilience (and Defense stat) to take on any challenge that will come your way this week.

SCORPIO: When you were an Eevee, your trainer played with you and fed you Poffins 24/7. But once you evolved into Sylveon, you were abandoned into the Pokémon Box System beside all the other Eeveelutions. That’s right, you were a pawn in a ploy to complete the National Pokédex.

SAGITTARIUS: This week, you may feel like you are not receiving enough love, and that is why you’re Shedinja. Despite having the amazing Wonder Guard ability, your measly one HP and poor base Speed make you inferior to your counterpart, Ninjask. Keep your chin up and pray to Arceus that you won’t be hit by a Flying-type move.

CAPRICORN: With Gemini season fast approaching on May 21, now is the time to start pursuing artistic endeavours, which makes you the perfect Smeargle. You have the ability to learn any move possible. Maybe consider learning Pay Day to get some extra cash for all those Potions you’ll need for working too hard.

AQUARIUS: Love is in the air with the sun entering Gemini this week. Luckily, you spend all of your time in the air as a Woobat. Use this extra affection to evolve into Swoobat (and finally get a pair of eyes). Heck, you might even want to use Attract if a special ‘mon catches your eye.

PISCES: You thought you were going to get a Water type because you’re a Pisces? You’re wrong. You’re getting a Water type because you will be emotionally exhausted this week, just like Sobble. The New Moon will be in Taurus, meaning you are going to be a mess, just like our sad lizard. No, don’t give me that Tearful Look.