Horoscopes
Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: June 21–27
June 24, 2021By: Paige Riding, Copy Editor ARIES: Everyone shuns you for the water containers piling up in your room, but what about the unabashed fake scenarios you fall asleep to each night? Thirsty doesn’t even begin to cut it, but I’m sure you can imagine what might. TAURUS: Do you press the toaster lever down again in shame when your toast doesn’t toast enough, or do you suffer with slightly crisped bread? Why don’t all toasters toast toast to the same toastiness? Who the hell made toast a verb and a noun? After typing “toast” that much, I’m not even sure…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: June 14–20
June 15, 2021By: Tiffany Chang, Peak Associate Aries: You will find yourself crawling on all fours trying to get back to your Zoom class after your feet fell asleep from a half an hour on the closest toilet. My advice: be the…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: June 7–13
June 5, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Staff Writer ARIES: Don’t let your goals get ahead of you! Invent a new hobby so you can always be the best at it. Underwater ping-pong? Zombie cosplay gymnastics? Vlogging your cheese puff reviews? Your pick. TAURUS:…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: May 31–June 6
May 31, 2021By: Sara Brinkac, SFU Student and Certified Star Whisperer ARIES: Mercury says it won’t come out of retrograde until you stop eating so much processed sugar. Just one vegetable, Aries. Please. TAURUS: Your moon and stars don’t seem to be…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: May 24– 30
May 23, 2021By: Ana Arozarena, SFU Student ARIES: I slid down Lil Nas X’s pole to hell to gather this advice: wear your sunscreen. All the smoking hot demons do it, and so should you! Even Satan (who’s currently going through a…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: Pokémon edition
May 17, 2021By: Marco Ovies, Features Editor ARIES: Your fiery spirit will give you the motivation to light a flame this week, just like a Darmanitan going into its Zen Mode. With Jupiter’s planetary ingress into Pisces, you will be full of…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: May 10–16
May 10, 2021By: Kyla Dowling, Humour Editor ARIES: Don’t forget the sayings you were raised on: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say something mean.” “When opportunity knocks on your door, run.” “Treat others the way you were treated when…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: April 5–11
April 5, 2021By: Gurleen Aujla, Peak Associate ARIES: You’ve waited until the last minute to watch your lecture recordings and you’re furiously trying to learn about the difference between prosimians, monkeys, and apes at four times speed. Try throwing your laptop in…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 29–April 4
March 29, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert, Peak Associate As spring arrives, the animals are waking up from hibernation! Who, you wonder, is your mammalian lookalike? The stars hold the answers . . . ARIES: Imagine this: you are walking in the park minding…
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Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: March 22–28
March 22, 2021By: Charlotte Gravert / Peak Associate Happy Equinox, everyone! You are formally invited to the annual spring fever infection party! Mild to severe symptoms are expected and may include . . . ARIES: Are you feeling hot, Aries? Is your…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]