By: Corbett Gildersleve, Opinions Editor
Content warning: mentions of ableism.
Society does not treat disabled people well and it impacts men in specific ways. Being disabled comes with stigma and the expectations to still adhere to gendered roles. Being unable to meet these expectations can result in depression and even abuse. This stigma can make men feel unwanted and devalued. It’s important to build relationships be it platonic or romantic, but asking for help can also be viewed as being weaker or less able. All of this contributes to instability in work, mental health, and social life. As such, there needs to be dedicated financial, medical, and social support for disabled men to not just survive, but thrive.
For men, there is still a gendered expectation to be strong, masculine, and provide for their loved ones. However, disabled men can struggle with gaining or keeping employment, and contributing to paying bills, especially if they’re denied government disability support. For those with work benefits, that doesn’t always mean they get the support they need. When their needs aren’t being met at work, this can cause them to lose their job. Because our society still pushes for people to be independent, showing signs that you need support, even with assistive devices like a wheelchair, can cause men to delay getting them.
Making friends, expanding their network, and/or finding romantic partners can be especially challenging. They can worry about being excluded in some activities, whether new friends will stick around if they get sick, or make fun of them. People might disbelieve or react negatively to their romantic relationships, even thinking that the person romantically involved with them is a sibling or a caretaker. For meeting potential romantic partners, there might be questions that are asked to them or assumptions thought about them. These could include if they’re able to sexually perform, have children, or provide for their partner and/or children. In cultures where families help with matchmaking, expectations around caste, type of disability, and economic status might be a strict requirement.
All of these challenges can contribute to poor mental health, sometimes leading to depression.
The requirement to be visibly masculine, where men have to “suck it up” when sad or struggling, limits them from seeking support.
Even the idea about attending a peer-support group for depression with other disabled men can seem too heavy to attend. And this topic might not even be shared between friends due to the fear of appearing weak and the need to perform masculinity at all times. This causes some men to still suffer when seeking help due not clearly communicating the support they need.
In Canada, there is community and government support for men with disabilities, however tackling the larger societal perception issues are the most challenging. They need the media and the wider community to stop viewing disabled people as lesser. They may need financial support, either through work or governments to live a dignified life. Men need dedicated peer-support groups that challenge common harmful depictions and expectations of masculinity. They need the rest of us to do better by being anti-ableist and advocate for their needs.
