Student withdraws emotionally from classes, is refunded only 50% of their emotions

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor After three weeks of struggling to love education, an SFU student withdrew emotionally from all their courses on Friday...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 23–29

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your superiority complex is in full blossom. And you need to manifest it. Irritate your...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 16 – 22

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries — March 21–April 19 Your reputation of blood, guts, and rage follows you everywhere. What you need this week is...

Devil attends his first ever history seminar, tearfully thanks students who advocated for him

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Decades of SFU student activism have finally paid off, it seems. Last Monday, a HIST 466 seminar welcomed a...

Most popular couple in grade 12 shockingly breaks up on third week of university

Written by Gabrielle McLaren, Editor-in-Chief BURNABY, BC — To the absolute shock of their community, Crystal Lemay and Hunter O’Brian, the hottest couple in the...

Meet Alex Mac-Queen: How a local hypebeast paid his tuition by reselling Balenciaga sweaters

Written by Kayli Jamieson, SFU Student The resell game among SFU students has always been quite strong in the textbook department. But who could anticipate...

Seven TOTALLY accurate Netflix documentaries about SFU airing this September

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor It’s that time of year again. As the leaves prepare to brown and the SFSS prepares to host yet...

Your weekly SFU horoscopes: September 9–15

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor Aries Falling asleep on Burnaby Mountain is risky this week. You might find yourself sleepwalking across campus while dreaming of...

“God is all you need,” professor tells class after refusing to hold office hours

Written by Zach Siddiqui, Humour Editor BURNABY, BC — An English professor at SFU has opted out of his office hours, telling students that the...