By: Amrit Kamaal, Peak Associate
Aries
March 21–April 19
Honey, congrats on hitting 1 million views on a TikTok lipsyncing about how “demure and mindful” you are for wearing an Aritzia pantsuit to get coffee. With your newfound clout, it’s written in the stars that you should book a one-way ticket to LA and join the Creator Rewards Program. It’s practically written in the stars that you’ll become the next Charli D’Amelio (just make sure you can stomach escargot).
Taurus
April 20–May 20
Your summer consisted of so many camping trips that you consider yourself one with nature at this point. Sure, your bragging about your self-proclaimed “relationship with mother nature” and your monthly Instagram screen time being an hour during an icebreaker comes off as pretentious, but that’s OK! According to the stars, you are the ideal candidate for dealing with the future raccoon takeover.
Gemini
May 21–June 20
You thought, “I’ll get it this summer,” but did you? Every summer, you promise you’ll finally get your driver’s licence, or at least your learner’s permit. But to this day, the only cards in your wallet are your U-Pass, an expired credit card (you forgot where the new one is), and a gift card to the SFU Bookstore (so Brat). Bestie, you’ll lock in eventually. The stars say that you will get your licence next summer.
Cancer
June 21–July 22
“Makeup blindness” is taking over, and now strangers on the Internet are giving you unsolicited advice. Sure, your makeup routine consists of using your winter concealer that’s three shades lighter than your skin instead of foundation. But, that has nothing to do with blind people and everything to do with the fact that you can’t afford new makeup. You can totally still market this look, though. Call it “the summer I discovered concealer.” The stars predict we found SFU’s next it girl in the making.
Leo
July 23–August 22
You’re very determined, and you’ll do anything to achieve your goals, especially if it includes dedicating hours of your life to lining up the day before the grand opening of some mediocre American fast-food chain. Maybe it’s written in the stars that you’ll use this perseverance to get a job or not have to cram your midterms this semester.
Virgo
August 23–September 22
You didn’t go out much, or at all, and just spent the summer binging shows on Netflix, Crave, and even Tubi. Even if your summer feels ruined, your semester won’t be! The stars show you re-watching your recorded lectures like a hawk; just do a split screen with a gameplay video or Grey’s Anatomy.
Libra
September 23–October 22
You spent your summer trying to write the perfect One Direction fanfiction on Wattpad to secure a book-to-film adaptation like The Idea of You. Unfortunately, your work gave off Colleen Hoover energy instead (the bad prose part, not the romanticizing abuse part). Keep writing, though; the stars see your fanfics being used unironically for The Peak’s humour section.
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
You were the definition of Summertime Sadness this season. You had multiple situationships trying to find the “electric feeling” Lana Del Rey described. The stars got your back though, when all else fails, you’ll be roaming the campus hand-in-hand with your ex again for a while.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
You pride yourself on being the self-proclaimed mean girl of the group, so it’s totally not annoying for your friends to apologise for your out of pocket behaviour at PNE Playland because someone bumped into you. It’s OK, the heat got to you! The stars show when winter hits, your friends won’t need to excuse your outbursts.
Capricorn
December 22–January 19
Your wallet is a heck of a lot lighter from the amount of spending you did this summer, disguising it as “saving.” Sure, you got a fresh wardrobe from all the summer “sales,” but make sure you set some money aside school-wise. Your tablet is on its last legs right now, and the stars don’t exactly see it lasting one last semester.
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
I don’t care that you quit your job, put the scissors down. You wanted those Sabrina Carpenter bangs for the summer but came out looking like Emma Roberts instead. Your curtain bangs look like closed window blinds but no worries! The stars see you rocking those curtain bangs when they finally reach your chin for the fall semester of 2026.
Pisces
February 19–March 20
You somehow managed to skip every lecture in your summer semester to the point where you don’t even know what the professor looks like. We can fix that though, the stars show you coming on campus to capture that Gilmore Girls aesthetic with your latte and the Canvas login screen open.
