By: Hana Hoffman, SFU Student
Hey there, I’m Donatello. I’ve been living at SFU and observing life here for longer than you can imagine, and it has come to my attention that some of you need my wise advice today. I’m happy to share my knowledge, but I really hope you read these tips and take them seriously because I had to skip my dumpster diving sesh with the raccoon community just to write this down.
- Get the free stuff.
You’re paying so much to be at SFU, so make the most out of it! The most important day of the semester is Clubs Day because almost every table has something to giveaway, including snacks and prizes. It’s basically trick-or-treating, except you have to talk a little bit and possibly sign up in order to get the prize. And, during the semester, you’ll see some tables here and there doing the same. I do want to mention one life hack to save time: if you join some clubs, just skip all the regular meetings and only attend the special events where they’ll have free food. Otherwise you’ll leave too much food for me and my friends! In addition, I expect you all to enter every single SFU giveaway. If you’re not already, then get started right now! Eyes on the prize, friend.
2. Enjoy nature, don’t hate it.
Although you must hate waiting in the freezing weather for the bus, slipping down the stairs, coming home in soggy shoes, and carrying an umbrella everywhere, there are still numerous reasons to be grateful to live on a mountain. With the earth’s temperature increasing, you might not get much cold weather anymore when you’re older. Don’t take the present for granted; go sledding on Burnaby Mountain, or get a cup and scoop up some free unlimited snow cones. Plus, on the occasion that it’s not foggy, you’ll see amazing views from campus! You can brag to your friends from other schools about how much higher you are than them, both geographically and academically, I hope!
3. Use my “eat, sleep, slay, repeat” method.
First of all, if it’s dark around your eyes like me then you’re not getting enough sleep. Don’t worry, my fellow raccoons, this only applies to humans. It’s also important to eat healthy, because you’d create a bad image of SFU if you’re seen eating packaged snacks and creating more garbage at a school known for its sustainable research and planning. Most importantly, I advise you to slay everyday fur real! I’ll even chant about it for you to get it in your head. Get good grades, get those A’s, get in shape, get that pay. Dash your way, through the rain, slay the day and get that praise. Okay. . . this is kind of cheesy, but you get the point, right? Make the most out of your years at SFU because you can’t paws time. I am spittin’ raccoon rhymes! AHEM.
To all new and current students, follow my advice and you’ll be thanking me later. From the bottom of my little raccoon heart I wish you the best. And if you ever see me or my raccoon friends hanging out on campus, please take a picture and post us on your socials. We wanna be famous!
— Donatello
