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Sonnet 2021

An anti-love poem to a peer that stole my pen

By: Carter Hemion, Humour Editor

Shall I compare thee to an exam day?

Thou art more stressful and despicable:

Simon Fraser walls by clouds still grow grey

And finals weeks are far too long and full:

Sometimes too strict the eyes of profs do stare,

And often are their pricey textbooks skimm’d;

And every test and quiz to me’s unfair

By fate, or my prof’s syllabus, untrimm’d;

But my eternal hatred shall not fade

Nor lose memory of that pen thou ow’st;

Nor shall I hope that A’s are in your grades,

When in long lines to The Peak hate grow’st;

So long as students struggle to break free,

So long lives this, and this gives scorn to thee.

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Welcome to the future!

By: C Icart and Michelle Young, Co-Editors-in-Chief If you’re reading this and it’s not 2076, that means our plan to use time travel to send the paper back in time worked. The Beep is now a dictatorship, and we have been running the paper for the past 50 years. Michelle finally has a hairless cat and C achieved their goal of appearing on The Traitors (they won).  After our first term as EiCs at what was then called The Peak, we were replaced with an AI bot that rebranded the paper for what would become a predominantly robot readership. However, the students demanded that human Peak— sorry Beep staff return after an issue published dozens of articles incorrectly announcing the opening of pools with cars inside...

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By: C Icart and Michelle Young, Co-Editors-in-Chief If you’re reading this and it’s not 2076, that means our plan to use time travel to send the paper back in time worked. The Beep is now a dictatorship, and we have been running the paper for the past 50 years. Michelle finally has a hairless cat and C achieved their goal of appearing on The Traitors (they won).  After our first term as EiCs at what was then called The Peak, we were replaced with an AI bot that rebranded the paper for what would become a predominantly robot readership. However, the students demanded that human Peak— sorry Beep staff return after an issue published dozens of articles incorrectly announcing the opening of pools with cars inside...

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By: C Icart and Michelle Young, Co-Editors-in-Chief If you’re reading this and it’s not 2076, that means our plan to use time travel to send the paper back in time worked. The Beep is now a dictatorship, and we have been running the paper for the past 50 years. Michelle finally has a hairless cat and C achieved their goal of appearing on The Traitors (they won).  After our first term as EiCs at what was then called The Peak, we were replaced with an AI bot that rebranded the paper for what would become a predominantly robot readership. However, the students demanded that human Peak— sorry Beep staff return after an issue published dozens of articles incorrectly announcing the opening of pools with cars inside...