Written by: Nathaniel Tok

Graduate student Yoda Yohansen has discovered the key to identifying which year students are in. The study on the typical habits and traits of SFU students aims to make it easier to stereotype students by what year they are in, and thus treat with the requisite level of respect. The five-minute study has broken records for how fast a research study can be completed. “No one believes this qualifies as a research study, but since I am a researcher, I say it counts,” Yohansen said. Yohansen also received funding for the study from the prestigious Canadian Institute of Social Sciences (CISS).

Yohansen said that a former colleague from his lab at SFU, now working at CISS, was so impressed with the study’s findings that he bought Yohansen a coffee. Yohansen grinned as he told us, “Few people can say they got funded by the CISS so early in their career.” Yohansen created a model based on facial stress-line manifestations a student has, using them to determine the student’s year of study.

When you see a newly enrolled first-year, you probably see an individual unburdened, without a care in the world. Yohansen explained that such a person is usually youthful-looking, and like babies or puppies, this often prompts a response from others.

“Just like how adults instinctively coo to babies or pet puppies, first-years create responses in older students,” said Yohansen. “Usually one of pity or irritation caused by the first year’s ignorance . First-years also don’t have any stress lines since they have not been burdened with the rigours of university life yet.”

Second-years usually have the greatest stress lines, Yohanssen says, since most programs use second-year courses to see if students can succeed.

“Courses like ECON 201 or CHEM 281 are designed to stress a student and see if they have what it takes to succeed in their field. So, usually, second-years look the most stressed because their future in their program is at stake.”  

Second-years also have weak backs and misshapen spines as they still carry physical copies of textbooks.

Third- and fourth-years look remarkably similar to each other, Yohansen claims. Such individuals often takes courses at similar levels of difficulty and thus have similar facial stress characteristics. “With the advent of a four-year degree really becoming a six-year degree, students in their third or fourth year are more or less in the same stage of their program and look similar.”

According to Yohansen, fifth- and sixth-years have the widest range of characteristics, as a result of the wider variety of student types in this demographic.

“At this stage, students are thinking of attending a post-graduate school or are starting to think of their careers. Such individuals look remarkably similar to second-years and we often see a reemergence of the stress lines from after their second year,” he explained.

“However, many fifth- and sixth-years, owing to their long arduous experience in university, have simply given up, and such individuals swing the pendulum in the opposite direction and look at ease with life.”

Asked how this model can be applied to graduate students, Yohansen grinned again. “I’ll need more funding to determine that.”